Humorous Essays Based on students' memories
"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius
- From the author
- Review of a book by O.P.Syedyshev "The Guys"
- Copyright
The Guys
Essay 1. How I became a student
Essay 2. Mini-dorm
Essay 3. Arkasha
Essay 4. Ditto
Essay 5. Vagram
Essay 6. Eugene
Essay 7. Slava Sizikov
Essay 8. Batya
Essay 9. Tolik and Vagram
Essay 10. Ilgam and Otari
Essay 11. Petya Kozlov and a pipe
Essay 12. Golubev and Sasha Plokhikh
Essay 13. Serezha Sherbinin
Essay 14. Operative surgery exam
Essay 15. Striptease of Leada Syrkasheva
Essay 17. Pseudo wedding
Essay 18. How I was a trade union organi...
Essay 19. Anatomy
Essay 20. #118 Group
Essay 21. RW
Essay 22. Brothers Romashov
Essay 23. Pharmakology
Essay 24. Sambo
Essay 25. Dimka the Wine-Maker
Essay 26. Brewery
Essay 27. Delicacy
Essay 28. Muster
Essay 29. Festival
Essay 30. Cant wait to get married
Essay 31. Beer at lectures
Essay 32. Examinations
Essay 33. The murder will out
Essay 34. An accident
Essay 35. Vendetta
Essay 36. A lesson to remember for a lif...
Essay 38. A wedding ring
Essay 40. How different all of them are
Essay 41. Product #2
Essay 42. A guitar
Essay 43. A stranger in medicine
Essay 44. Oh, sports - You are life!
Essay 45. Canalis nasolacrimalis
Essay 46. Young Communist League (Komsom...
Essay 47. Unus - one out of five
Essay 48. His Majesty photographer
Essay 49. Three tablets of aminazine
Essay 50. "Nothern Lights"
Essay 51. Gentlemen of luck
Essay 52. Brother-2
Essay 53. Three thanks
Essay 54. Superstitious Beliefs
Essay 56. Satanic Grin
Essay 57. 21 Gurgles
Essay 58. Triplets
Essay 59. Pilau on Issyk Kul
Essay 60. Is speculation business or not...
Essay 61. Bitter Sugar
Essay 63. Cream Of Wheat
Essay 64. Feeling Of Pride
Essay 65. Was It Love?
Essay 67. Examination Paper #13
Essay 68. The Devil of Adventurism
Essay 69. Sketching Characters
Essay 70. An Excursion
Essay 71. Winter examinations
Essay 72. Stierlitz is no match for them...
Essay 73. Inhale through your mouth, ple...
Essay 74. Hitler kaputt!
Essay 75. A second-year student
Essay 76. Mistakes should be paid for!
Essay 77. Four letters
Essay 78. Prince of Imereti
Essay 79. There are too few workers and ...
Essay 80. A pood of salt
Essay 81. A Prankster
Essay 82. Let's Man The Barricades!
Essay 83. Now A Kiss!
Essay 84. Briefs
Essay 85. A Miracle!
Essay 86. A mouse!.. in a hairdo? How ve...
Essay 87. A Born Obstetrician
Essay 88. International Children's Day
Essay 91. Here is the one for you, fasci...
Essay 94. A sight for sore eyes
Essay 96. REAR
Essay 97. And you are a gambler, Paramos...
Essay 98. An Ode to Pilav
Essay 99. Always hungry
Essay 100. Dudes
Essay 114. The night before
Essay 119. An autograph
Essay 130. Déjà vu
Essay 137. Twelve
Essay 141. A password is needed
Essay 142. Home brew
Essay 143. Mind what you say
Essay 144. Experimenters
Essay 145. An autograph
Essay 146. Hydrocele
Essay 147. Clip on the back of the head
Essay 148. Al Qasr
Essay 149. We were optimists...
Essay 150. Despotic and wilful person
Essay 151. With a sickle at the balls
Essay 152. Liquidation
Essay 153. Resonance
Essay 154. Shock therapy
Essay 155. Good luck of Victor Kiss
Essay 156. Herd instinct
Essay 157. Cond'omer
Essay 159. The Gypsy Baron
Essay 160. SI system
Essay 161. Foie gras
Essay 162. Divine disposition
Essay 163. Chizhik-Pyzhik*
Essay 164. Culinary terrorist act
Essay 172. At the world's end
Essay 173. Rupture
After graduation
Essay 37 Whyte chrysanthemums
Essay 55 We Are the Eleventh! So What?
Essay 62 Feinzilberg's Mistake
Essay 90 Betwixt and Between...
Essay 92 Those who are drowning are to ...
Essay 93 People, be happy
Essay 116 Here's a fine how d'ye do!
Essay 131 Feminine logic
Essay 132 Bimbo and, pardon, balls
Essay 133 Forty years later
Essay 134 Product #2 again
Essay 136 Striptease of Fomitch
Essay 138 Love and gastric ulcer
Essay 139 A victim of essays
Essay 140 Sleep!
Essay 158 Help-it's a panic
Essay 165 A Hen
Essay 166 The first vacation
Essay 167 Tails
Essay 168 PEA
Essay 169 Sochi
Essay 170 VOLGA
Essay 171 Muriuk
Essay 174 Bear's disease
Essay 175 An escape
Kitchen talks
Essay 39. A brick on the top of the head
Essay 89. Guriev Porridge (or conversati...
Essay 113. Prosperity of Russia
Essay 135. A Prescription
Beyond the Horizon
Essay 16. Its a small world
Essay 66. Paris, Paris...
Essay 95. Milan is a Lucrative City
Essay 102. A Look and Something
Essay 103. Tango 'Magnolia'
Essay 110. Buddha is smiling
Essay 128. Red Light District
Essay 130. Déjà vu
For the life of me I cannot understand meaning and educational effect of the saying "A drop of nicotine kills a horse". Why a horse? What kind of criterion is that? Is it its weight? Then an elephant or a hippopotamus are heavier. And will a drop of nicotine kill them? Stop! I believe you've heard many times about this, and you can have an impression of this being already heard and seeing. This is deja vu. This is the reason because of which I am not going to talk about how many horses went under because of the nicotine. I am not going to talk about people, who smoked and continue smoking, and in order to show off puff smoke in rings, they do not give a damn about a drop of nicotine. Your most humble servant does not smoke now, but, oh boy, how he used to smoke. It was like a song how he smoked, a fairytale about carrying on. And how nicely everything started. In those old compared to now days there were available cigarette brands of "Drug" and "Troiyka".A pack of cigarettes was like Tretyakov's gallery. It opened not like now, but as a cigar case, and there was golden foil there and a golden cigarette holder also made of golden foil for a cigarette not to become limp in a mouth. They were considered to be extremely expensive back then, just horribly expensive. However one could afford to show off with them. And all that accumulated to the following situation: it was winter examinations session of my third year at the institute. The internal diseases propaedeutics examination was on the next day. That was the exam, at which an associate professor Grigoriy Lvotitch Khasis almost had a stroke, when Zhenka Romashov, when answering his examination question, explained to him that when performing percussion, he put his finger on a chest not parallel to a rib into intercostal space, but perpendicular to it, because it was more convenient to him that way to percuss a patient. That was the exam during which I explained to Khasis how to treat bad cold with pepper vodka and a bunch of green birch twigs at Russian baths without resorting to derivant and expectorative therapy. All that would be on the next day. And on that day I wanted to smoke. I could not study propaedeutics. I could not bring home why in some cases of percussion the sound was muffled and in others it was like in a box. I could not squeeze into my head Damoiseau's lines, or Garland's triangle, or Traube's half-moon-shaped space. I wanted to smoke, and there was nothing to smoke. And it was three in the morning. The exam was already not the next day, but today, but I did not sleep and could not sit studying a textbook. I felt as if a spring appeared in me in a certain place. Like a wind-up toy I was rushing around the room. Though, I was quiet, as a landlady and her kids were sleeping in other rooms. I do not remember already how my feet brought me to a restroom, but what I saw there was better than Alladin's treasures. They are right saying that a reserve does not make one's pocket heavier. In that very case the reserve saved the student from receiving a bad grade at the exam. And it not just saved him, but helped him to get an excellent grade in propaedeutics from Khasis. Grigoriy Lvovitch was not bad in students' eyes, but he was not a "goody-goody" either. Khasis loved and knew his subject and did his best that the guys like us if became not therapists then knew therapeutics anyway. So coming back to the restroom and the treasure, which as it turned out was waiting for me there. Only, please, for God's sake, do not make association like "toilet – treasure". During my student years I had a bad habit of smoking in a toilet. However because even then I was a save-all, I carefully put out semi-finished cigarette butts and stacked them behind a nail in the door upper plank. The situation was a comic one; I was on a toilet, unintentionally looked up (or maybe not unintentionally) and before I realized what was going on I felt butterflies in my stomach, this is a ticklish very nice feeling, I always had as a sign of delight and comfort. I was staring at the nail and could not bring it home that behind it there were about twenty or maybe thirty "big fat cigarette butts".
The goose bumps were not just tickling, they were rushing up and down my body. Only my extraordinary will power made me not scream because of utmost joy. Well, what are you talking about, forget the restroom. I wonder how I did not forget to put my pants on. The biggest cigarette butt I smoked right in the restroom. Then it started: my feeling of responsibility made me take the textbooks, and very soon I already knew very well what Joseph Skoda, a Czech physician had done with the percussion. I learned that Damoiseau's line, Garland's triangle and Traube's half-moon-shaped space, all of them were signs of exudative pleurisy, and I also learned lots of other most different things.
It's not my fault that I got an excellent grade, that was the way cards fell, but Zhenka and Vagram got satisfactory grades, though they were almost late for the exam anyway. Dimka Mkheidze was soothing Vagram and Zhenka saying that "Satisfactory is health". The academician-to-be calmed down, but Zhenka for a long time after that was making plans of how to revenge himself upon Khasis for the satisfactory grade.
6 August, 2012
© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #213112901063
Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content ↑