Syedyshev Oleg
Syedyshev Oleg

Humorous essays
Guestbook Contacts

Humorous Essays Based on students' memories

"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius

Essay 152. Liquidation

If to search really well in every nook and cranny of my memory, I might find many interesting and amusing episodes. However, right now the following one has occurred to me. After I had left the mini-dorm, my place was taken by Kostya Romashov, Yevgeniy’s brother. Change of tenants did not affect the rules that had been set before. However, let’s talk about everything in order.


Zhenya Romashov

Zhenya Romashov

On that memorable day it happened so that Zhenya was going to the apartment after classes together with Kostya. Zhenya was in a bad mood. He was tired; he could not get home for two days. He had classes at the institute, after that there was a night shift at the city clinic #9 at an X-ray laboratory of an accident ward. The night happened to be difficult, there was a lot of work, and Zhenya practically had no chance to have any sleep, and in the morning he had to be at the institute again. At the institute he failed a test in anatomy, and Slavka Sizikov drove him mad when playing Scrabble during a lecture with double “s” in a word “rassolnik” (see essay “Beer at Lectures”). Generally speaking there was a reason for Zhenya’s dysphoria, and it was considerably manifested, Kostya was feeling that on his own back. When on a tram on their way to Hertsen street, Kostya decided to spare money and did not buy tickets, a ticket collector got into the wagon at the very same time, so they had to urgently get off the tram, one stop before the one they needed; Kostya got the first clip on the back of his head from Zhenka.

Kostya Romashov

Kostya Romashov

Afterwards when they were walking along the tram road Zhenya was reprimanding Kostya for his attitude to economizing, his own brother, meaning himself, to his study and life in general…; and all that time he was threatening with two more clips on the back of his head. Kostya was compliantly keeping silence; he knew that “silence was worthy gold”, he was just nodding. In such a way having a nice conversation the Romashov brothers reached their mini-dorm.

And when they came inside...
Just tell me why is it said that gustatory sensation is formed in the mouth by taste bulbs on a human tongue? I believe that the bulbs allow only tell the difference between bitter and sweet, and salty and sour. And the whole range of tastes man receives via his vision and sense of smell. It is a nose, which makes it possible for man to sense all the variety of smells; we have not even tried food, but our mouth is already watering.

There were Kostya and Zhenka’s noses which were hit by a sharp, sour and even sickening smell in their rooms. And if Kostya did not dodge a blow on time, he would’ve got one more clip on the back of his head, as if it was he, who had spoiled the air in a well-known way. Zhenka opened all doors and ventilator windows and started looking for a source of the stink. Kostya quietly withdrew outside, as if to a toilet. And Zhenka saw a big pan on the table and understood everything; somebody was having breakfast in the morning, was in a hurry and it looked like he was eating right from the pan, there was no dirty plate near it, and a spoon was right on the lid, he left everything and rushed to the institute; and it was very hot then. When Kostya came back Zhenka interrogated him demanding all details: at what time he had left, who had been at home except him in the morning. Kostya guessed that it was Vadik Severiukhin who had done that, but did not betray him, to all questions he was answering: “I was in a hurry, din’t see anything around, don’t remember anything”. As soon as there were not any other dwellers, Kostya had to carry out liquidation of borsh. Yeah, Zhenka’s brother’s fate was a grave one. Even though Zhenka loved Kostya he was tough when it came to disciplining him; when Kostya informed Zhenka that he was going to conduct the liquidation via throwing the spoiled borsh into a cesspool of an outdoor toilet, he almost was beaten up again (just kidding – had another clip on the back of his head). Zhenka was outraged by his brother’s lack of foresight; if at such heat fermentation continued already at the cesspool with its contents; then the whole neighborhood of the Tretiy Osobyi would have nothing to breathe in. Ultimately Kostya received a simple and clear order: dig a hole in a vegetable garden, pour the borsh into it and fill up the hole.


This is not Zhenya, but reaction is the same.

This is not Zhenya, but reaction is the same.

After he had received the clear instruction as for the liquidation, Kostya took the pan and went outside to follow the instruction. It was not without reason that Kostya had been born and lived in Central Asia before entering the institute; he had learned very well that no matter how much in a hurry you were, you would always have enough time to be late, so he sat at the porch to have a cigarette before the liquidation. And why not? Where to hurry? Kostya was smoking and thinking that he was very lucky to have such a brother; as if it was not for him, the borsh would’ve ended up in the toilet for sure. And at the very moment his contemplations were interrupted by arrival of Zhora Chernobay. Zhora was in high spirits, joking, asking whether dinner was ready. Kostya told him about borsh and the coming liquidation. Zhora grew dumb with astonishment, he literally was indignant: “What kind of liquidation?”. He immediately opened the lid, smelled and rolled his eyes up as a sign of pleasure. Yeah, gourmands are people of a special category. However to like spoiled borsh? That would take not a gourmand, but a gourmet! Kostya had no time to reflect on subtlety of differences between a gourmand and a gourmet. Zhora took the pan and went downstairs right to the kitchen. How it came that Zhenya did not notice him, was not clear, though, he did not sleep for two days; however when around the well aired house there again started spreading specific aroma from the kitchen, where Zhora was already heating up the borsh, Zhenka came to his senses and overcoming attacks of nausea went downstairs to the kitchen. Zhenya assumed that it was Kostya who disobeyed him and was up to something, so he was going to put him on the straight and narrow, but saw Zhora in the kitchen, pleased, and even not just pleased, but happy. Without saying a word Zhenya turned around and went outside to Kostya, he smoked and offered Kostya a bet: if Zhoura would have a diarrhea after having the borsh or not? Zhenka made a bet that he “would have diarrhea”, Kostya had to make his bet that “there would be no diarrhea”. However, what was the most amazing, Kostya really believed so, that it was doubtful that Zhora’s bowels would move after some two liters of bad borsh, and he did win the bet. Zhenka easily reacted to his loss, he only said: “Our daughter in law guttles anything”.

29 April, 2012

© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #214040300505

Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content ↑


Copyright © 2001-2024
oleg.syedyshev.name
All rights reserved