Syedyshev Oleg
Syedyshev Oleg

Humorous Essays Based on students' memories

"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius

Essay 45. Canalis nasolacrimalis

What is good about student recollections is that if you search your own memory and make your friends do the same, then you will be able to retrieve the most unbelievable situations. That what happened with Lyuba Kerner (this is her maiden name) at an eye disease examination I rate as an unbelievable, though at the same time obvious event. Well and how would you estimate the situation, when a person did not want to take an exam, but was made to do that and received an "excellent" grade? Now I will tell you how it was.
There was an examinations period. There was an eye diseases examination. The fourth question of the examination paper was about "Poisoning". Everybody who remembers Lyuba during the institute years, know how diligently she was studying and how much she wanted to be a good doctor. She longed to be not just a good doctor, but the one who was loved by everybody.

Lyuba Kerner

Lyuba Kerner

Lyuba clearly understood that to achieve that she had to control herself and not leave even the smallest chance to doubt her, and not fail anyone either. So the examination was the next day, and a day before she had no energy left to study the damned Poisoning. Lyuba without a moment's hesitation decided not to fail her professor Drozdova, not to mention discrediting herself, and made up her mind to take an exam the other day with another group, after she would have finally learned the Poisoning. So with that decision in mind Lyuba calmly went to bed. In the morning she stayed in bed much longer and came to cheer for her group at about noon; and why not? She was not going to take the exam. But then there was an interesting detail; attention, please! She took her student's record book with her!!!...Ah-ha, women's logic! They talk so much about it and will talk about it for a hundred or a thousand years longer, but it is doubtful, if it, I mean the logic, can be understood. So Lyuba came to the department, I'll remind you she had her student's record book with her for some reason, carelessly put on a doctor's smock and did not button it up. And what for? Let them, who were taking the exam button up. In the hall there were hanging around Volodya Robinstorg and Tolya Lomov; they were exchanging their impressions of the exam they had passed.

Galya Volkova

Galya Volkova

And Galya Volkova was sitting on a desk, which for some reason was taken out into the hall; she wearily leaned back to the wall. When Lyuba sat next to her, Galya livened up and started insisting that Lyuba took the exam. Lyuba's arguments that she had not learned everything were brushed aside by Galya with laughter: "Show me at least someone who is taking an exam being 100 per cent prepared?" Yeah, nothing could challenge that argument. Women's curiosity made Lyuba come up to the door and peep into the examination room. And there something improbable happened: somebody literally pushed Lyuba into the room. And there Lyuba was in her unbuttoned doctor's smock, a bit ruffled and with wide open eyes because of the unexpectedness; she was absolutely dumbfounded. She even could not move, but was staring at the associate professor Y. F. Khatminskiy, who started grumbling because of such impudence, saying where she had been before, the exam was coming to its end, and she had to be given time to prepare and so on and so forth. And Lyuba was in stupor.

Khatminskiy and Lyuba

Khatminskiy and Lyuba

Then Khatminskiy snapped at her and made her quickly choose a patient. And there Lyuba finally livened up. She came up to a patient, who was as cross as sticks, he was supposed to have lunch time, and there were those students, you see. She examined the patient, gave him the dioptric lenses saying: "Yes", and the patient snapped back angrily "I don't' know". Lyuba thought: "Well, never mind him" and wrote a prescription. And then evaluation of the situation started, student tactics and strategy, if she prepared her answer according to the examination paper, Khatminskiy would be available to listen to her, and he was angry at Lyuba. And if not to prepare the answer, then there was the associate professor V. I. Kobzeva, who had just became available and who had been reading the lectures to the group. She took a risk and went to answer without any preparation to Kobzeva. It should be mentioned that professors like situations of this kind and are favorable to reckless students. Lyuba presented the patient, produced the prescription and clearly without a hitch answered the questions. "Enough", said the examiner and then asked what should be done in case of constant lacrimation. Lyuba gave an answer. "And what is the name of the canal?" (oh, Kobzeva turned to be so inquisitive). Lyuba has remembered all her life and will remember till the end of her days the canal "canalis nasolacrimalis".

Associate professor Y.F. Khatminskiy

Associate professor
Y.F. Khatminskiy



Department head V.I.Kobzeva

Department head
V.I.Kobzeva

Kobzeva took Lyuba's record book, started signing it and at the same time asked: "What are the three main symptoms of poisoning?" Lyuba slowly answered: "Weakness, indi..." - she did not manage to finish, Kobzeva finished herself: "...-sposition", and signed the record book, gave it to Lyuba and said: "Dismissed".
And what do you think about all that? Lyuba, who did not want to take the exam, but came where it was taken and by chance brought her student's record book, with the help of some "magic" power got into the examination room, without any preparation passed the exam for an "excellent"! So, Lyuba was not happy. Khatminskiy made her angry, she felt uncomfortable with Galina for her excellent grade.

Though in half an hour, not even half an hour, but in five minutes Lyuba was pestering Volodya and Tolya demanding them to confess, who had pushed her into the examination room.



V.E. Robinstorg

V.E. Robinstorg

A.A.Lomov

A.A.Lomov





The story for the essay was kindly given by L.V.Kovaleova.

august, 19 2011

© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #21204250883

Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content