Syedyshev Oleg
Syedyshev Oleg

Humorous essays
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Humorous Essays Based on students' memories

"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius

Essay 58. Triplets

One studies and lives among a certain group of people and often does not know about their real attitude to him. Well, of course, I do not consider the incidents of conflicts between some guys. In that case everything is clear, and exclusively in chronic conflicts. Hot conflicts between the young and hot-tempered, and not burdened by worldly wisdom, break out and calm down. For instance, once in order to irritate Vagram I blurted out something about the Turkish-Armenian slaughter of 1915, and Vagram threw himself to fight with me. It was good that there were no witnesses of that, and I understood that I had committed an intolerable thing against my friend; I had offended his national feelings about that terrible tragedy. I immediately not only apologized, but sincerely asked Vagram for forgiveness. You know, it was the first time I saw tears in the eyes of that big and strong guy. He forgave me and asked never to mention the subject. I promised, and can state that I have been on friendly terms with Vagram for more than forty years. Of course, we do not meet every week or every year, but I dare say that nevertheless we have feelings of friendship to each other; at least regarding me this is the case. My attention was drawn away from the subject; I'd intended to write about our group. So, our group was though mixed, but we were good friends with each other. Common decisions were made and implemented as a rule unanimously. I said "as a rule" only because it was me, who just did not want to make one single decision about a group's extra class. Well, I simply did not want to waste time on extra classes, if I knew the material. Because of that I had frequent conflicts with Volodya Kardashov. His final argument was: "Look, even Timoshka agrees, and you are against". Timoshka is Valya Timoshenko, the only student of our group, who was ready to answer during any class and give good even excellent answers. You see, how it was. Nevertheless, I always thought that the group liked me.

Disease never asks whether one wants to be ill or not. So it also did not ask me, if I wanted to be sick or not at the beginning of winter 1970.

Starting from autumn I had started feeling discomfort in the tail bone area, though the location of the discomfort did not let me have a good look of the cause, like in an old joke: "... Neither you can see it yourself nor show to the other...". Well, and my couldn't-care-less attitude to my own health resulted in that that in November, somewhat in a month after the beginning of the disease, I could not comfortably sit on a chair and perched myself on one of my buttocks. My postures of such kind was noticed by everyone around and by my group mates. Zhenya Romashov and Vagram Agadzhanyan started demanding that I showed the cause of my trouble to specialists. I myself was already tired of all of that and consented to present my shameful part to doctors to be examined. At that time we had classes in a regional hospital. I already do not remember what we studied then, but Yevgeniy and Vagram went to a surgical department and told its head about my problem, and arranged my hospitalization. I was brought to the department for the examination practically under escort; on the way I was explained that there was nothing to be afraid of, and, perhaps, surgery would not be needed.

At an operating room

At an operating room

That was how they were trying to calm me down. During the examination a surgeon diagnosed me with a suppurated tail bone cyst and suggested immediate hospitalization to me, the guys made me be admitted to the department.

To cut it short, I had surgery the next day. The surgery and postsurgical period went fine, and fifteen days later I was discharged. Though let's get back to the attitude the guys from my group had to me. I will tell you honestly, I could not even imagine that. After lunch there was not a minute left that I stayed alone without any visitors; and sometimes some of them did not leave yet, and the other already came.
Valya Timoshenko and Oleg Syedyshev

Valya Timoshenko
and Oleg Syedyshev

Valya Timoshenko (Timoshka, as we used to call her) visited me every day and told me everything that was said during the classes and lectures I missed.

Tatiana Yanchilina had known that I liked pea soup with a smoked pork brisket; and just think about it, she made the soup and brought it to me in a one liter glass jar every day. I started eating it right away. Tatiana was sincerely happy to see my appetite. Though, when on the forth or fifth day I howled because of my favorite soup, she burst into loud laughter for the whole department to hear, saying how stupid she had been.

Tatiana Yanchilina

Tatiana Yanchilina

The rest of the days Tatiana brought me in the same one liter jar dumplings, which were delicious, you would lick your fingers. If Timoshka and Tatiana when visiting me sat by my bed, then when the guys from my group came, and they came as a rule like a gang, on the initiative of the Zhenka Romashov, in order not to disturb the rest of the patients in the ward, I was moved from my bed to a gurney, and all of us drove into a remote corner, where a real camp was laid out.

It was the most real camp: the guys brought vodka and food, and drank to my good health and ate. It was fun; there were endless jokes, old and very old ones and just "bla-bla". Though, the most pleasant thing was the following. After the surgery, of course, I did not drink, but one day the biggest liquor fan in our group Volodya Kardashov, after the guys had one or two drinks to my health,

From left to right: Valera Kaygorodov, Arkadiy Blyakher, Volodya Bobkov, Sasha Salmayer, Vagram Agadzhanyan, Volodya Kardashov, Oleg Syedyshev.

From left to right: Valera Kaygorodov,
Arkadiy Blyakher, Volodya Bobkov,
Sasha Salmayer, Vagram Agadzhanyan,
Volodya Kardashov, Oleg Syedyshev.

Kardash demonstratively took a bottle of "White Rymnikskoje" wine out from a bag and a kilo of "Minskaya" sausage and announced that that was a gift for me. Everyone, who knew or knows Kardash can image the scale of the sacrifice. I liked the wine and the sausage "Minskaya", at that time it was produced with addition of horse meat and was delicious and very expensive. I also appreciated the moment when the guys ran out of liquor and I offered the bottle to them, Kardash flatly refused to take it. We drank the "Rymnikskoje" when I was discharged.

Sausage "Minskaya"

Sausage "Minskaya"

To sum it up, I can say that for the two weeks in the hospital I was visited by all of my friends and acquaintances, which made me extremely happy. Only Arkadiy Blyakher never paid me a visit. Though, then I did not think much of that and continued considering him my friend till the recent time. This year, thirty nine years after the graduation from the institute, I learned from my friends, that Arkadiy believed that he had had a conflict with me. Well, let God be his judge, and I still consider him to be my friend.

Have you noticed that during the narration I focused my attention on food? Yes, I have a weakness for food; I loved before and still love to eat well. After the surgery on my tail bone I was prescribed with opium to slow down the movement of my bowls, and my diet was light. I was fed with broths with dried crust and cereals in such small portions

My visitors

My visitors

that I was constantly hungry after the hospital food. Both soups and dumplings of Tanyushka Yanchilina and sausage of Volodya Kardashov saved me from "starvation death", but prepared a surprise for me before my discharge. And how happy I was when Dimka Mkheidze visited me! He came accompanied by Badri and Imzar Lipartiya. They brought as a treat the freshest khachapuri and shish kebab which was still hot. Where did they get it? Yes, they also brought wine and a drinking horn. We made so much noise when proclaiming toasts that were caught in the act by a nurse, who threatened to report us to a doctor in charge. So I had a good sleep and good food and everything got healed on me, like on a dog. According to my doctor's plan, my bowls had to move for the fist time the next day after the stitches would be taken out, on the eleventh day. However that happened on the tenth day. As usually, the guys came to visit me after their classes. I was already well and vigorously hobbled along the surgical department by myself, without anybody's help. Though when the guys came they still took the gurney, put me on it and drove me away. The other patients in the ward laughed at us, when they saw the students frolicking, but did not report us, though that time they knew where our camp was.

Triplets

Triplets

That time we arranged our camp in a room where patients were given an enema before surgeries. The room was big. There was a bed covered by red oil cloth, an old table with equipment, well and all the rest; the guys brought everything needed to visit a patient. And in the very middle of the visiting, when nobody paid any attention at me, and everyone was talking simultaneously; like a bolt from the blue I felt "I want to do it". And I not only wanted, but wanted immediately. It was very hard for me to explain my situation to the visitors. I had already mentioned, where our bivouac was located, there was a toilet there under a cover of the same red oil cloth. Something unimaginable started then. On my own back I experienced what women feel during delivery. They said that my shrieks were heard at the maternity hospital of the number three clinic of Kemerovo. And there the women who had recently had babies were saying that someone was giving birth to no less than triplets.


Doctor in charge

Doctor in charge

Well and at the surgical department they heard the shrieks as well. The nurses and doctors came running. But what could they do? The process was in its full swing. Later the guys told me that everything had lasted for not more than five or ten minutes. To me it seemed to be eternity. Yes, gluttony is for a good reason considered one of the deadly sins of man. At the surgical department they brought me to a dressing room for an examination. Everything was fine,

The restless patient

The restless patient

and my doctor took out the stitches a day earlier. The guys had not left yet, and all together they went to ask the head of the department to discharge me from the department. The doctor was kind of reluctant. He agreed on one condition that the guys would bring me for bandaging to the department for two or three days more. Though for some reason it seems to me that they gladly discharged me from the department; I was too restless for a patient, they were constantly looking for me to be present during a professor's round, or for bandaging, or other students could not find me to obtain the case history, as it was the clinical hospital.

And I also remembered that case so well, that it played its part in my change of specialization and transfer from surgery to psychiatry. Though, as someone Kanevskiy says, this is an absolutely different story.

20 September, 2011.

© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #21204260468

Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content ↑


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