Humorous Essays Based on students' memories
"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius
- From the author
- Review of a book by O.P.Syedyshev "The Guys"
- Copyright
The Guys
Essay 1. How I became a student
Essay 2. Mini-dorm
Essay 3. Arkasha
Essay 4. Ditto
Essay 5. Vagram
Essay 6. Eugene
Essay 7. Slava Sizikov
Essay 8. Batya
Essay 9. Tolik and Vagram
Essay 10. Ilgam and Otari
Essay 11. Petya Kozlov and a pipe
Essay 12. Golubev and Sasha Plokhikh
Essay 13. Serezha Sherbinin
Essay 14. Operative surgery exam
Essay 15. Striptease of Leada Syrkasheva
Essay 17. Pseudo wedding
Essay 18. How I was a trade union organi...
Essay 19. Anatomy
Essay 20. #118 Group
Essay 21. RW
Essay 22. Brothers Romashov
Essay 23. Pharmakology
Essay 24. Sambo
Essay 25. Dimka the Wine-Maker
Essay 26. Brewery
Essay 27. Delicacy
Essay 28. Muster
Essay 29. Festival
Essay 30. Cant wait to get married
Essay 31. Beer at lectures
Essay 32. Examinations
Essay 33. The murder will out
Essay 34. An accident
Essay 35. Vendetta
Essay 36. A lesson to remember for a lif...
Essay 38. A wedding ring
Essay 40. How different all of them are
Essay 41. Product #2
Essay 42. A guitar
Essay 43. A stranger in medicine
Essay 44. Oh, sports - You are life!
Essay 45. Canalis nasolacrimalis
Essay 46. Young Communist League (Komsom...
Essay 47. Unus - one out of five
Essay 48. His Majesty photographer
Essay 49. Three tablets of aminazine
Essay 50. "Nothern Lights"
Essay 51. Gentlemen of luck
Essay 52. Brother-2
Essay 53. Three thanks
Essay 54. Superstitious Beliefs
Essay 56. Satanic Grin
Essay 57. 21 Gurgles
Essay 58. Triplets
Essay 59. Pilau on Issyk Kul
Essay 60. Is speculation business or not...
Essay 61. Bitter Sugar
Essay 63. Cream Of Wheat
Essay 64. Feeling Of Pride
Essay 65. Was It Love?
Essay 67. Examination Paper #13
Essay 68. The Devil of Adventurism
Essay 69. Sketching Characters
Essay 70. An Excursion
Essay 71. Winter examinations
Essay 72. Stierlitz is no match for them...
Essay 73. Inhale through your mouth, ple...
Essay 74. Hitler kaputt!
Essay 75. A second-year student
Essay 76. Mistakes should be paid for!
Essay 77. Four letters
Essay 78. Prince of Imereti
Essay 79. There are too few workers and ...
Essay 80. A pood of salt
Essay 81. A Prankster
Essay 82. Let's Man The Barricades!
Essay 83. Now A Kiss!
Essay 84. Briefs
Essay 85. A Miracle!
Essay 86. A mouse!.. in a hairdo? How ve...
Essay 87. A Born Obstetrician
Essay 88. International Children's Day
Essay 91. Here is the one for you, fasci...
Essay 94. A sight for sore eyes
Essay 96. REAR
Essay 97. And you are a gambler, Paramos...
Essay 98. An Ode to Pilav
Essay 99. Always hungry
Essay 100. Dudes
Essay 114. The night before
Essay 119. An autograph
Essay 130. Déjà vu
Essay 137. Twelve
Essay 141. A password is needed
Essay 142. Home brew
Essay 143. Mind what you say
Essay 144. Experimenters
Essay 145. An autograph
Essay 146. Hydrocele
Essay 147. Clip on the back of the head
Essay 148. Al Qasr
Essay 149. We were optimists...
Essay 150. Despotic and wilful person
Essay 151. With a sickle at the balls
Essay 152. Liquidation
Essay 153. Resonance
Essay 154. Shock therapy
Essay 155. Good luck of Victor Kiss
Essay 156. Herd instinct
Essay 157. Cond'omer
Essay 159. The Gypsy Baron
Essay 160. SI system
Essay 161. Foie gras
Essay 162. Divine disposition
Essay 163. Chizhik-Pyzhik*
Essay 164. Culinary terrorist act
Essay 172. At the world's end
Essay 173. Rupture
After graduation
Essay 37 Whyte chrysanthemums
Essay 55 We Are the Eleventh! So What?
Essay 62 Feinzilberg's Mistake
Essay 90 Betwixt and Between...
Essay 92 Those who are drowning are to ...
Essay 93 People, be happy
Essay 116 Here's a fine how d'ye do!
Essay 131 Feminine logic
Essay 132 Bimbo and, pardon, balls
Essay 133 Forty years later
Essay 134 Product #2 again
Essay 136 Striptease of Fomitch
Essay 138 Love and gastric ulcer
Essay 139 A victim of essays
Essay 140 Sleep!
Essay 158 Help-it's a panic
Essay 165 A Hen
Essay 166 The first vacation
Essay 167 Tails
Essay 168 PEA
Essay 169 Sochi
Essay 170 VOLGA
Essay 171 Muriuk
Essay 174 Bear's disease
Essay 175 An escape
Kitchen talks
Essay 39. A brick on the top of the head
Essay 89. Guriev Porridge (or conversati...
Essay 113. Prosperity of Russia
Essay 135. A Prescription
Beyond the Horizon
Essay 16. Its a small world
Essay 66. Paris, Paris...
Essay 95. Milan is a Lucrative City
Essay 102. A Look and Something
Essay 103. Tango 'Magnolia'
Essay 110. Buddha is smiling
Essay 128. Red Light District
Essay 71. Winter examinations
An unusual thing happened, and it was the Kemerovo State (there was no any other kind then) Medical Institute where it occurred. Well, such a thing had never happened at any other place, but it did happen in Kemerovo. There were two professors, whose last names were Golubev; nobody would ever notice that on the institute's scale and would not pay any attention. Well, no big deal that there was Boris Feodorovitch Golubev at the Philosophy Department and Irog Viktorovitch Golubev at theWikipedia says that histology is a part of biology, which studies structure of tissues of living organisms. Usually this is achieved by dissecting tissues into thing layers and with the help of a microtome. Unlike anatomy, histology studies organism's structure on a tissue level.
Lena Sokhareva studied at a Pediatric Department, and was already in her third year. So there came time of winter examinations, which consisted ridiculous as it was of only one exam. If one passed it then had no worries for two weeks of winter vacations. Lena studied not bad, to tell the truth, she studied well. She had great memory; all subjects came easily to her, without any hard work. Though those were theoretical subjects, and during the study of histology professors made students to draw sections of tissues of different human organs. Some people have aptitude for drawing and some don't. So what does the second group have to do? Should they really quit their study at their favorite institute only because of that? And how can one throw into the scales aspiration for curing people and ability to draw? Though students are super inventive people; and the horrible questions of one's inability to draw was solved in various ways, and it was solved. Some guys asked their friends to draw for them, others copied. Lena did not ask anyone, she drew herself as good as she could. And she could very poorly. One had to look through a microscope and then draw what he had seen. That was exactly what she absolutely could not do. Everything seemed to her to be violet in the microscope, and she could not tell a cell's nucleus from protoplasm. What should she have done? Things happen. Maybe that was not worthy of so much worry, but an album with the drawings signed by a professor, who had taught a histology course, had to be submitted at the examination.
In Lena's group histology was taught by a young if not to say very young assistant professor Tamara Grigorievna Pavlova. Generally speaking she was a not bad instructor, but for some reason she did not like Lena. She refused to sign Lena's album no matter what. Lena guessed of most different reasons; and the one that Pavlova wanted to demonstrate what a good instructor she was at the department, and that the album was really bad and she absolutely honestly did not sign it.
Lena's husband to be unambiguously said: Look at yourself in a mirror and look at her! She simply envies you!. It is quite possible that there was the homespun and also hempen truth in that! Either way, the exam was supposed to be the next day, and the album was not signed; so Lena made up her mind to undertake a desperate move. She did not completely understand the depth of an abyss she could easily fall into then. To her good luck it was her only act of that kind. She fabricated Tamara Grigorievna Pavlova's signature in the album. It came out indistinguishable. So she went to take the histology exam with calm confidence.
Lena's group was examined by the associate professor Igor Viktorovitch Golubev. Everything was as usual: the carafe was on the desk, and it was already started. So Golubev's mood correspondingly was great. More to that, Elena got an easy examination paper; it is always so that when one knows the subject, an examination paper is easy, so this is a strange pattern to traverse. Lena was answering not just well, but beautifully. One could tell that by Golubev's face expression, he was even smiling. Yeah, it's a great thing when an examining professor has a carafe. Igor Viktorovitch did not interrupt Lena even once during her answerer; he thanked Lena and signed with Excellent her student's record book. And then something suddenly struck him; he asked Lena to give him her album. Lena had never understood the expression: His heart sank into his boots, and there she experienced the state herself. There was some unpleasant weakness in all her body. With her shaking hands Lena gave the album to Golubev and intently stared at him. He opened the album smiling, obviously deep in his thought, and then Lena with horror noticed that Golubev started growing sober right in front of her eyes. Or maybe it just seemed to Lena because of fear. Looking attentively through her album Golubev announced: I am taking your album from you. I do not understand how that could be signed. Well, I will have to teach young assistant professors some good sense.
Her feet almost gave way under her, she left the examination room. The students surrounded her with the traditional: What did you get? Everybody was extremely surprised, when she replied that she got an excellent. She had such a look as if she was given not more than a bad with two minuses.
For all the students the vacations were fun, and Lena was trembling and waiting for two weeks, whether she would be called to the Dean's office for the reprisal or not. Though, time went on. The vacations were over, and the spring semester started. Nobody called Lena anywhere, and her album was lost at the Histology Department. It is now, many years later, that it has occurred to her: How stupid I was!; and she herself cannot understand, why stupid: because she forged the signature, or because she was scared in vain.
The plot was kindly given by Elena Zhuk.
13 October, 2011
© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #21206220634
Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content ↑