Humorous Essays Based on students' memories
"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius
- From the author
- Review of a book by O.P.Syedyshev "The Guys"
- Copyright
The Guys
Essay 1. How I became a student
Essay 2. Mini-dorm
Essay 3. Arkasha
Essay 4. Ditto
Essay 5. Vagram
Essay 6. Eugene
Essay 7. Slava Sizikov
Essay 8. Batya
Essay 9. Tolik and Vagram
Essay 10. Ilgam and Otari
Essay 11. Petya Kozlov and a pipe
Essay 12. Golubev and Sasha Plokhikh
Essay 13. Serezha Sherbinin
Essay 14. Operative surgery exam
Essay 15. Striptease of Leada Syrkasheva
Essay 17. Pseudo wedding
Essay 18. How I was a trade union organi...
Essay 19. Anatomy
Essay 20. #118 Group
Essay 21. RW
Essay 22. Brothers Romashov
Essay 23. Pharmakology
Essay 24. Sambo
Essay 25. Dimka the Wine-Maker
Essay 26. Brewery
Essay 27. Delicacy
Essay 28. Muster
Essay 29. Festival
Essay 30. Cant wait to get married
Essay 31. Beer at lectures
Essay 32. Examinations
Essay 33. The murder will out
Essay 34. An accident
Essay 35. Vendetta
Essay 36. A lesson to remember for a lif...
Essay 38. A wedding ring
Essay 40. How different all of them are
Essay 41. Product #2
Essay 42. A guitar
Essay 43. A stranger in medicine
Essay 44. Oh, sports - You are life!
Essay 45. Canalis nasolacrimalis
Essay 46. Young Communist League (Komsom...
Essay 47. Unus - one out of five
Essay 48. His Majesty photographer
Essay 49. Three tablets of aminazine
Essay 50. "Nothern Lights"
Essay 51. Gentlemen of luck
Essay 52. Brother-2
Essay 53. Three thanks
Essay 54. Superstitious Beliefs
Essay 56. Satanic Grin
Essay 57. 21 Gurgles
Essay 58. Triplets
Essay 59. Pilau on Issyk Kul
Essay 60. Is speculation business or not...
Essay 61. Bitter Sugar
Essay 63. Cream Of Wheat
Essay 64. Feeling Of Pride
Essay 65. Was It Love?
Essay 67. Examination Paper #13
Essay 68. The Devil of Adventurism
Essay 69. Sketching Characters
Essay 70. An Excursion
Essay 71. Winter examinations
Essay 72. Stierlitz is no match for them...
Essay 73. Inhale through your mouth, ple...
Essay 74. Hitler kaputt!
Essay 75. A second-year student
Essay 76. Mistakes should be paid for!
Essay 77. Four letters
Essay 78. Prince of Imereti
Essay 79. There are too few workers and ...
Essay 80. A pood of salt
Essay 81. A Prankster
Essay 82. Let's Man The Barricades!
Essay 83. Now A Kiss!
Essay 84. Briefs
Essay 85. A Miracle!
Essay 86. A mouse!.. in a hairdo? How ve...
Essay 87. A Born Obstetrician
Essay 88. International Children's Day
Essay 91. Here is the one for you, fasci...
Essay 94. A sight for sore eyes
Essay 96. REAR
Essay 97. And you are a gambler, Paramos...
Essay 98. An Ode to Pilav
Essay 99. Always hungry
Essay 100. Dudes
Essay 114. The night before
Essay 119. An autograph
Essay 130. Déjà vu
Essay 137. Twelve
Essay 141. A password is needed
Essay 142. Home brew
Essay 143. Mind what you say
Essay 144. Experimenters
Essay 145. An autograph
Essay 146. Hydrocele
Essay 147. Clip on the back of the head
Essay 148. Al Qasr
Essay 149. We were optimists...
Essay 150. Despotic and wilful person
Essay 151. With a sickle at the balls
Essay 152. Liquidation
Essay 153. Resonance
Essay 154. Shock therapy
Essay 155. Good luck of Victor Kiss
Essay 156. Herd instinct
Essay 157. Cond'omer
Essay 159. The Gypsy Baron
Essay 160. SI system
Essay 161. Foie gras
Essay 162. Divine disposition
Essay 163. Chizhik-Pyzhik*
Essay 164. Culinary terrorist act
Essay 172. At the world's end
Essay 173. Rupture
After graduation
Essay 37 Whyte chrysanthemums
Essay 55 We Are the Eleventh! So What?
Essay 62 Feinzilberg's Mistake
Essay 90 Betwixt and Between...
Essay 92 Those who are drowning are to ...
Essay 93 People, be happy
Essay 116 Here's a fine how d'ye do!
Essay 131 Feminine logic
Essay 132 Bimbo and, pardon, balls
Essay 133 Forty years later
Essay 134 Product #2 again
Essay 136 Striptease of Fomitch
Essay 138 Love and gastric ulcer
Essay 139 A victim of essays
Essay 140 Sleep!
Essay 158 Help-it's a panic
Essay 165 A Hen
Essay 166 The first vacation
Essay 167 Tails
Essay 168 PEA
Essay 169 Sochi
Essay 170 VOLGA
Essay 171 Muriuk
Essay 174 Bear's disease
Essay 175 An escape
Kitchen talks
Essay 39. A brick on the top of the head
Essay 89. Guriev Porridge (or conversati...
Essay 113. Prosperity of Russia
Essay 135. A Prescription
Beyond the Horizon
Essay 16. Its a small world
Essay 66. Paris, Paris...
Essay 95. Milan is a Lucrative City
Essay 102. A Look and Something
Essay 103. Tango 'Magnolia'
Essay 110. Buddha is smiling
Essay 128. Red Light District
Essay 65. Was It Love?
All students know that during examinations one must not step on lids of sewer manholes, absolutely must not. Kostya Romashov knew about that as well, when his elder brother was leading him to his first entrance chemistry examination. He really was leading him. Zhenya had already finished his first year at Kemerovo Medical Institute; he was already experienced, and he was thirteen years and five days older than Kostya; so Kostya had to take that into consideration. The matter was that when Kostya arrived from sunlit Kirgizstan, Kemerovo greeted him with rain and cold; and in Kemerovo water had been chlorinated so much that even soup smelled chorine. Kostya, who had grown up on water coming from glaciers, was just disgusted by all that. So in secret Kostya had made up his mind that he would fail the entrance examinations in Kemerovo, return home to his dear Kant, serve in the Army and after that enter a medical institute, but the one in Frunze. Kostya never said that aloud, however Zhenya had penetrating mind. He without any questions locked Kostya in a rented house for him to study for the examinations, and he almost by the hand lead his brother to the first examination. That was a chemistry examination. From Hertsen street to the City Entertainment Center we went by tram and walked to the institute. Kostya tried to protest, saying that we could go one more stop by tram, nevertheless Zhenya said so, and it was useless to argue. On the way to the institute Zhenya himself checked Kostya's knowledge by asking him various tricky questions like a chemical formula of water or nitrogenous acid. They were walking along 40 Let Octyabrya alley, and about fifteen meters ahead of them there was an old lady doddering with big bags.The brothers were walking and chattering, and suddenly they noticed that the old lady disappeared. She was there and in a moment vanished. The guys together rushed ahead.
And why am I telling about Kostya and Zhenka? I myself had an experience...
Like I have written before, I finished secondary comprehensive school at Kedrovskiy opencast mine. A situation I want to tell you about took place at the beginning of summer 1966. We were finishing our tenth grade. Our mood was great, because we would finally leave the so much hated, as it seemed to us then, school; escape from boring teachers. We were already adults. Final examinations were very close. And it happened so that I fell in love with my classmate Tanya Chubarova. It was necessary to study for the examinations, but I felt itching in certain part of me, and my legs lead me away from home to Tatiana. She too had to study, but also with pleasure escaped from home. In the center of the town, right in front of our school and between a stadium and houses there was a huge clearing of several hectares with a grove.
That was where we liked to walk; we were in the center, and at the same time kind of in a grove, hidden from curious looks. Every evening for several hours in a row we walked kilometers around or were sitting on logs in quiet places. On the day of the Last Day at school Tatiana and I had also a date; and we had agreed that we would have a walk around the clearing. It is hard for me to say, what we were talking about for hours then. We did not keep silence, we were talking nonstop, quite often argued, tried to persuade each other in something. Yes, our communication was enthusiastic and, perhaps, interesting for both of us, as soon as both of us were striving to it.
At the hour agreed I was already impatiently waiting at the water tower, next to which Tanya lived. She was never late to a date and never came earlier; it was me who was a fidget, and came thirty minutes before the time. At those days there were no cellular phones, or I would have annoyed Tatiana with my calls during those thirty minutes. There were no cell phones, but Lesha Borichev, also my classmate, lived next to the water tower. So I used to come to him and ask for a permission to make a telephone call. Tatiana reprimanded me, that I interfere with her getting ready and myself keep her long, but never hung up on me. Finally Tatiana came out of her house and we went along our favorite rout. I was telling Tanya something very interesting. I was talking loudly, gesticulated, and she was walking by my side saying yes to me. And suddenly I realized that for quite a long time I did not here from Tatiana her "Yes" or "It's unbelievable". There was silence. I turned around; there was nobody nearby at all. I started calling Tanya. There was silence. I walked back and in twenty or thirty meters saw the following scene: on a path literally from under the ground Tatiana was seen up to her bust. She stepped on an open sewer manhole lid and fell into the well, but opened her arms and was holding that way.
The sewer manhole's lid was in a vertical position in the middle of the hole, Tatiana was leaning against it. Luckily the well turned to be not deep; Tanya was standing on some huge valve. However she could not get out by herself. The lid did not allow her to do that, and her feet slipped down from the valve. She was not saying a word. She did not cry, just was silent. I ran up to her grabbed her by arms and started pulling her up, and there suddenly Tanya shouted at me: "Rascal, you left me alone..." and she made a move to slap me. She'd better not. I was holding her by her arms and her arms were apart, I had almost pulled her up. And there she decided to start a fight; she raised her right hand to hit me and slid down into the well. I burst into laughter. I asked her, why she had been silent, had not called for me immediately, and she was scolding me nonstop. I made a try to pull her up, but because of the laughter my hands became weak, and I again let her go down into the well. Poor Tatiana, she thought I was playing a mean trick on her. Finally, I somehow managed to free her out of the well, and she after calling me a scum once again rushed back home. Probably because of the stress she was running so fast that I could not run her down. I was crying to her: "Tanya, I am sorry; it was not my fault..." That was useless, she was running only faster because of my words. She did not answer my telephone calls; she picked up the receiver, but after she heard my voice hung it up. I tried to wait for her at the water tower, but as soon as she noticed me, she turned around and hurried back home.
Together with Lesha Borichev we were figuring out what I had to do, but could think of nothing. Because of despair we smashed all windows at our history teacher's apartment. A young single woman was hysterical because of her loneliness and lost her temper during classes. We hated her with our whole class. So we waited till it was midnight or even one in the morning, and together with Lesha using sticks we smashed windows at her place, in the kitchen and her room. Idiots we were. The woman lived in a one-room apartment on the first floor. Yes, love does wonders, it gives wings to someone, and someone becomes stupid. I do not mean Lesha Borichev. Then there were final exams, and after them Tatiana had a date with Vadik Smolenko; and I was kind of indifferent to that. So was it love?
22 September, 2011.
© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #21207230556
Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content ↑