Syedyshev Oleg
Syedyshev Oleg

Humorous Essays Based on students' memories

"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius

Essay 145. An autograph

Even though I’ve never been on long-term farming assignments directed by the institute, yet I believe that modern students have not benefited because of their abolition. After a month of working in fields (forget a month, sometimes even two weeks were quite enough) and dwelling in buildings of entertainment centers or other shed-like premises in anti-sanitary Spartan conditions, most various qualities were shown up in students. That was the time when leaders showed themselves, those who could make decisions and lead others; now they would be described as cool guys.

Boiled eggs. Are there any hard-boiled?

It was there where those willing to submit clearly manifested their traits, they were nice guys, but they needed a word of command. It was the time when students made real friends, and the friendship lasted for years, even decades. First love affairs started also there with tumultuous dates in haycocks and haystacks. And what funny situations took place there, and how many there were of them, not to count. For instance, only I will not give any names, because of obvious reasons. I will only say that that happened with student groups who graduated in 1971. For those who know, the characters of my essays Zhora Chernobay and Kolya Kozlov were among those students. Here is what happened. Back in pioneers’ camps we were excelling in all kinds of mischief after the lights-out time. Usually we smeared toothpaste on those who were fast asleep, or if we were lucky to get hold of a lipstick, then we used it. There was all kind of mischief to draw moustache or just smear all face around. During our student years the objects of mischief got changed. On the very first day of the arrival Mikhail announced that his sleep was very light, so he would not allow to play mischievous tricks on him. Everybody was very surprised by the announcement, especially if to take into account that Misha was about two meters tall, and his weight was about one hundred kilos. However, even if guys were not going to play any tricks, the warning of that kind made them start thinking about some mischief. They could not wait for too long, and in a couple of days, to be more precise nights everybody got convinced that as soon as Mikhail fell asleep even a gunshot would not wake him up. And in addition he was snoring very loudly, so the reason for a mischief was, as they say, obvious.

All the evening long before the revenge the way of performing it was discussed, so it was decided to pour ink from a fountain pen on his manhood. To do that was very easy also because Mikhail always slept on his back and practically never used a blanket. His boxers were big enough to fit two Mikhails, no wonder that during his sleep his manhood was put forward all the time. The guys were chuckling, and girls when they came to visit were, to put it mildly, embarrassed by such ingenuousness. That day everybody could not wait for Mikhail to fall asleep. The waiting was so tense that nobody slept; everybody knew about the revenge, and everybody was excited. General excitement was transmitted to Mikhail. He was telling jokes and himself laughed at them. Finally he managed to fall asleep, as soon as Misha had bared his manhood, Sergey without wasting any moment poured all ink from a fountain pen on it. There turned to be so much of ink that not only the manhood changed its color, but half of the belly was also in ink together with a sheet, or, to be more precise, what was called a sheet. Amazingly enough, but that night Mikhail practically did not snore.
It remained a mystery, how it happened that in the morning Misha did not see or feel anything. Yeah, Misha seemed to be a sinner all right. As by the lunch time a terrible story happened. Mikhail was sliding down on his butt from a huge hay stack and hit a pitchfork carelessly left by someone. Luckily Misha only slightly scratched his scrotum, though it was bleeding. How much a doctor of a local hospital was surprised, when Misha was delivered to him! He plainly asked him: “You what? Do you, young gentleman, also sign your name with it? Give autographs?” It is not known what else they were talking about, except one thing,

Misha persuaded the doctor to issue a medical document releasing him from the farming assignment. On the very day he returned to Kemerovo.
It is not clear how it happened that when the witnesses of what had happened came back to the institute, the story was already widely told around a dorm and in classrooms, but everybody thought it to be a tale. However it was not a tale; that was real life.

21 June, 2012

© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #214040200695

Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content