Humorous Essays Based on students' memories
"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius
- From the author
- Review of a book by O.P.Syedyshev "The Guys"
- Copyright
The Guys
Essay 1. How I became a student
Essay 2. Mini-dorm
Essay 3. Arkasha
Essay 4. Ditto
Essay 5. Vagram
Essay 6. Eugene
Essay 7. Slava Sizikov
Essay 8. Batya
Essay 9. Tolik and Vagram
Essay 10. Ilgam and Otari
Essay 11. Petya Kozlov and a pipe
Essay 12. Golubev and Sasha Plokhikh
Essay 13. Serezha Sherbinin
Essay 14. Operative surgery exam
Essay 15. Striptease of Leada Syrkasheva
Essay 17. Pseudo wedding
Essay 18. How I was a trade union organi...
Essay 19. Anatomy
Essay 20. #118 Group
Essay 21. RW
Essay 22. Brothers Romashov
Essay 23. Pharmakology
Essay 24. Sambo
Essay 25. Dimka the Wine-Maker
Essay 26. Brewery
Essay 27. Delicacy
Essay 28. Muster
Essay 29. Festival
Essay 30. Cant wait to get married
Essay 31. Beer at lectures
Essay 32. Examinations
Essay 33. The murder will out
Essay 34. An accident
Essay 35. Vendetta
Essay 36. A lesson to remember for a lif...
Essay 38. A wedding ring
Essay 40. How different all of them are
Essay 41. Product #2
Essay 42. A guitar
Essay 43. A stranger in medicine
Essay 44. Oh, sports - You are life!
Essay 45. Canalis nasolacrimalis
Essay 46. Young Communist League (Komsom...
Essay 47. Unus - one out of five
Essay 48. His Majesty photographer
Essay 49. Three tablets of aminazine
Essay 50. "Nothern Lights"
Essay 51. Gentlemen of luck
Essay 52. Brother-2
Essay 53. Three thanks
Essay 54. Superstitious Beliefs
Essay 56. Satanic Grin
Essay 57. 21 Gurgles
Essay 58. Triplets
Essay 59. Pilau on Issyk Kul
Essay 60. Is speculation business or not...
Essay 61. Bitter Sugar
Essay 63. Cream Of Wheat
Essay 64. Feeling Of Pride
Essay 65. Was It Love?
Essay 67. Examination Paper #13
Essay 68. The Devil of Adventurism
Essay 69. Sketching Characters
Essay 70. An Excursion
Essay 71. Winter examinations
Essay 72. Stierlitz is no match for them...
Essay 73. Inhale through your mouth, ple...
Essay 74. Hitler kaputt!
Essay 75. A second-year student
Essay 76. Mistakes should be paid for!
Essay 77. Four letters
Essay 78. Prince of Imereti
Essay 79. There are too few workers and ...
Essay 80. A pood of salt
Essay 81. A Prankster
Essay 82. Let's Man The Barricades!
Essay 83. Now A Kiss!
Essay 84. Briefs
Essay 85. A Miracle!
Essay 86. A mouse!.. in a hairdo? How ve...
Essay 87. A Born Obstetrician
Essay 88. International Children's Day
Essay 91. Here is the one for you, fasci...
Essay 94. A sight for sore eyes
Essay 96. REAR
Essay 97. And you are a gambler, Paramos...
Essay 98. An Ode to Pilav
Essay 99. Always hungry
Essay 100. Dudes
Essay 114. The night before
Essay 119. An autograph
Essay 130. Déjà vu
Essay 137. Twelve
Essay 141. A password is needed
Essay 142. Home brew
Essay 143. Mind what you say
Essay 144. Experimenters
Essay 145. An autograph
Essay 146. Hydrocele
Essay 147. Clip on the back of the head
Essay 148. Al Qasr
Essay 149. We were optimists...
Essay 150. Despotic and wilful person
Essay 151. With a sickle at the balls
Essay 152. Liquidation
Essay 153. Resonance
Essay 154. Shock therapy
Essay 155. Good luck of Victor Kiss
Essay 156. Herd instinct
Essay 157. Cond'omer
Essay 159. The Gypsy Baron
Essay 160. SI system
Essay 161. Foie gras
Essay 162. Divine disposition
Essay 163. Chizhik-Pyzhik*
Essay 164. Culinary terrorist act
Essay 172. At the world's end
Essay 173. Rupture
After graduation
Essay 37 Whyte chrysanthemums
Essay 55 We Are the Eleventh! So What?
Essay 62 Feinzilberg's Mistake
Essay 90 Betwixt and Between...
Essay 92 Those who are drowning are to ...
Essay 93 People, be happy
Essay 116 Here's a fine how d'ye do!
Essay 131 Feminine logic
Essay 132 Bimbo and, pardon, balls
Essay 133 Forty years later
Essay 134 Product #2 again
Essay 136 Striptease of Fomitch
Essay 138 Love and gastric ulcer
Essay 139 A victim of essays
Essay 140 Sleep!
Essay 158 Help-it's a panic
Essay 165 A Hen
Essay 166 The first vacation
Essay 167 Tails
Essay 168 PEA
Essay 169 Sochi
Essay 170 VOLGA
Essay 171 Muriuk
Essay 174 Bear's disease
Essay 175 An escape
Kitchen talks
Essay 39. A brick on the top of the head
Essay 89. Guriev Porridge (or conversati...
Essay 113. Prosperity of Russia
Essay 135. A Prescription
Beyond the Horizon
Essay 16. Its a small world
Essay 66. Paris, Paris...
Essay 95. Milan is a Lucrative City
Essay 102. A Look and Something
Essay 103. Tango 'Magnolia'
Essay 110. Buddha is smiling
Essay 128. Red Light District
Essay 87. A Born Obstetrician
At 6.20 in the morning of 26 September, 1949 in the city of Kemerovo, at a maternity hospital of a #3 clinic, which is near the city park, an event took place, which attracted attention neither of the national public nor of the city itself. And why should it attract anyone's attention? What happened on that day and at that hour at the maternity hospital? Did water flush from a radiator? No, luckily everything was fine at the maternity hospital; there was no even a slight fire. Everything was in a standard mode,Of course, the event was very much expected in a certain group of people at Yagunovka mine, where the Syedyshevs family lived. After a discharge from the hospital Peter Andreyevitch Syedyshev did his best and arranged transportation of his wife and his son on a horse set in a two-wheeled cart. Where he had managed to find the two-wheeled cart remained a secret,
It's difficult to understand now, why a baby born in the city of Kemerovo, was registered in a council of a village of Komissarovo, which was located between Kemerovo and Yagunovka mine, though closer to Yagunovka. Let's not take guesses; I'll just explain what is special about all that. So there is something special, and a significant one. The baby boy, who was born in Kemerovo at the maternity hospital of the #3 clinic and in such a chic way brought to his ancestral home, was named Yura. Yura was doted on; he was fed and rocked to sleep at night, when he instead of sleeping, like all good people,
It's funny enough, but after five and a half years of study I neither had assisted in childbirth, nor seen the process of labor. Well, obviously, I knew the technique of assisting during a delivery, though only purely theoretically. So once I happened to be on duty at the very maternity hospital of the #3 clinic, which was near the city park. We were on duty together with Vagram. Some readers and they are at the same time my former fellow students tell me, that I write too much about Vagram Agadzhanyan. It is their mistake. I write about situations from student life. If Vagram was present in any of the situations, I am just writing about it.
So we happened to be in the very delivery room, where on the last bed from the left I had been born. Sure enough, I did not miss a chance to tell Vagram about that. And Vagram did not waste an opportunity to grab my hand and take me around the maternity hospital and tell everybody: doctors on duty, and midwives, and even nurses that I was born in that maternity hospital twenty two years (at that moment) and several months ago; that at the beginning I was named Yura, and then in some miraculous way I became Oleg. After his story he demonstrated me as a material evidence of the story. Everybody liked the story, everybody was moved that I had been born there and was having my practical training in the very same delivery room. Everything was fine before we ran into Ekaterina Titova, our Tatiana Yanchilina's own aunt and an associate professor of the Obstetrics Department.
I, a notorious booby, told the quotation to the young woman in labor. The situation was an interesting one. She fell silent and was attentively listening to me, however when I finished the story with the phrase about repeating the foolishness, she again burst into the choicest swearwords and told me to go to hell in such a peculiar way, that I even had a problem imagining how that could be accomplished by a man. Even those, who were on duty at the delivery room, burst out laughing. At that very moment Titova entered the room. She heard the end of my conversation with that young woman. She reprimanded us again that we had our surgeons' masks on not in a proper way and sent us to the second woman in labor. She was a woman in her forties, and that was her third childbirth. She was calm. She asked us not to worry. How she only knew that we were worried, and we really were very worried. She said that everything would be fine and asked us to help her just a little bit. A midwife nodded her agreement and let us help the woman. Vagram and I knew the theory. First I tried to embrace the woman's belly with my arm, though the belly was huge and I could not do that properly. Then Vagram got down to work. He embraced the woman's belly with his right arm, clutched his hand at the edge of the table and pressed, though it looked like he overdid. He pressed a bit harder than it was necessary. Luckily the midwife and I were at the right place. The fetus' head was very low, so it almost like a bullet swiftly was brought into the world. At least I saw it that way. I remember the midwife shouted at Vagram, the woman howled, and everything was over. I was amazed to see that the midwife spanked
The happy mother thanked us. Titova also thanked us and dismissed from the duty in order that we would not do anything else, however she registered our being on duty. We were leaving the delivery room proud, with lots of impressions, accompanied by cursing of the young woman in labor, who still could not start. Later we did our best when telling how Vagram was helping the woman in labor, and how I "practically alone" assisted in the delivery of a big baby, and how the associate professor Titova herself thanked us for good participation and let us leave when it was still evening time. Generally speaking, we were recklessly lying and doing PR of ourselves.
As we learned afterwards, Vagram and I were not the only ones who had been in such situation; Kostya Romashov also had a similar experience. Unlike Vagram and I, who were at the maternity hospital of the #3 city clinic, Kostya happened to be at the maternity hospital of the #9 clinic of Kirovskiy district, where, by the way, his older brother and my friend Yevgeniy worked. Like the two of us, Kostya also was not alone. Kostya was assisting in the first in his life childbirth together with Lena Dubrovina and a group monitor of the forty first group Lyudmila Nefedchenko, who tagged after them. Sure enough, Kostya performed everything excellently. He stood from the left side of a woman in labor, embraced her belly by his left arm, gripped the edge of the table and gradually, I stress, very gradually was increasing his pressure on her belly, and by his right hand he was controlling her expulsive pains around her belly button. The woman in labor was a very young, just seventeen years old, girl, but she was behaving in a heroic way, and during breaks between the labors she was getting acquainted with Kostya and even promised that if she would have a son, she would call him Kostya. There was no ultrasonic scanning back then, and it became known who would be born only during a delivery. The childbirth went without any emergencies, let alone that the girls accompanying Kostya both fainted with a crash, when the head went out.
And an old lady-midwife praised Kostya very much and even said that he was a born obstetrician. And the born obstetrician could not look at girls for about two weeks without a feeling that they were like aliens.
The last story is courtesy of Kostya Romashov.
17 November, 2011
© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #21210010317
Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content ↑