Syedyshev Oleg
Syedyshev Oleg

Humorous Essays Based on students' memories

"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius

Essay 169. Sochi

What are you preoccupied with on the last day before your vacation?

For sure, with anything, but not with what Kirillych was preoccupied with on the last day before his another vacation. There was no problem with agenda of the vacation. Sasha was a fan of tourism in it most different forms. However he could not even imagine how he could leave his dear Olga Mikhailovna without a prank. No wonder, as he played all kinds of jokes on her. So said so done! There will be a practical joke. And Kirillych chose to make an instrument of the joke, neither more nor less, but the deputy director of the medical department. Sherbakov Gavrila Ivanovitch had worked as an ENT physician at the hospital of the Ministry of Internal Affairs; and he was a good doctor. Besides that he was a fine man, and perhaps, that was why they called him Gavrila at the hospital. And there is one more explanation necessary to make, even though the hospital was a regional one, there was only one telephone connected with the city for the whole hospital, and it was in the doctors’ lounge of the surgical department. Do not take me wrong; of course, the administration of the hospital had direct telephone connection, sure, sure!

So Sasha comes to the surgical department. Without being noticed he blocks the buttons of the telephone with a match and starts pretending to be dialing a number.

Gavrila, hi! Why did you ask me to call you? What’s the hurry?

There was at pause then, Sasha was as if listening to what Gavrila was telling him.

What “on last-minute sale” vacation package?

Then there was a pause for Gavrila’s answer.

- Where did you say? To the resort “Salut”? In Sochi? But I’ve never been to a health resort, what for do I need that? No, I don’t know. I don’t really have any health problems.

There was a pause again. The doctors, who were in the room, were openly listening to the conversation.

- Gavrila, well, I don’t know. I need to ask for my mom’s advice. How long? Two days? I will ask her and will call you back for sure, bye.

In all hospitals surgeons are quick-witted guys and get things immediately. So that time they understood everything right away and started offering all kinds of reasons to persuade Kirillych to go on vacation. The arguments were the most different:

“You will have a good rest and real fun!”

“You will find a chick!”

“You will get a chick and have fun!”

“You will get a chick and get finally married!”

“Just go, it’s for free!

Sasha was somewhat sluggishly making excuses saying that he was well and sound and things like that, and Sochi was so far away. Olga Mikhailovna did not participate in the discussion, she was kind of working. Though after lunch she approached Sasha:

- Are you really going to receive a free vacation package, really free?

- Yes, Gavrila called me and said that it was the “on-last-minute sale”, and he promises also to cover my trip expenses.

- Well, why do you need the health resort, why the resort? (I’ve already written that Olga Mikhailovna had a habit of repeating words for several times).

- Yeah, I am not sure.

- Refuse to go, what for you need it. To travel that far. Refuse.

- And what’s in it for you? As I have not made up my mind yet.

- You refuse from it, and I will take it, I need it, I will take it.

- How can you take it, if this is a vacation package for officers? Are you an officer? No, so what?

- I will transfer it to a trade union vacation package.

- You won’t do that.

- I will, I will do transfer it.

- But I haven’t made up my mind yet.

- You just refuse and make you decision.

- Gavrila gave me two days to talk to my mom.

In the morning Gavrila called Kirillytch and told him a horror story that in the evening of the previous day, by the end of the working day, Olga Mikhailovna came to his office and almost committed a sexual violence act in a specially cynical and pervert form – she started demanding to give her the “on-last-minute sale” vacation package to the health resort “Salut”. To Gavrila’s words that he had no idea what vacation package she was talking about, Olga Mikhailovna announced that she had heard everything for herself, and if the vacation package was not given to her, then she would unmask all of them.

And then Gavrila asked Sasha to choose somebody else as an instrument of his jokes, but not the medical department and its staff.

September, 25 2013

© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #214040300549

Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content