Humorous Essays Based on students' memories
"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius
- From the author
- Review of a book by O.P.Syedyshev "The Guys"
- Copyright
The Guys
Essay 1. How I became a student
Essay 2. Mini-dorm
Essay 3. Arkasha
Essay 4. Ditto
Essay 5. Vagram
Essay 6. Eugene
Essay 7. Slava Sizikov
Essay 8. Batya
Essay 9. Tolik and Vagram
Essay 10. Ilgam and Otari
Essay 11. Petya Kozlov and a pipe
Essay 12. Golubev and Sasha Plokhikh
Essay 13. Serezha Sherbinin
Essay 14. Operative surgery exam
Essay 15. Striptease of Leada Syrkasheva
Essay 17. Pseudo wedding
Essay 18. How I was a trade union organi...
Essay 19. Anatomy
Essay 20. #118 Group
Essay 21. RW
Essay 22. Brothers Romashov
Essay 23. Pharmakology
Essay 24. Sambo
Essay 25. Dimka the Wine-Maker
Essay 26. Brewery
Essay 27. Delicacy
Essay 28. Muster
Essay 29. Festival
Essay 30. Cant wait to get married
Essay 31. Beer at lectures
Essay 32. Examinations
Essay 33. The murder will out
Essay 34. An accident
Essay 35. Vendetta
Essay 36. A lesson to remember for a lif...
Essay 38. A wedding ring
Essay 40. How different all of them are
Essay 41. Product #2
Essay 42. A guitar
Essay 43. A stranger in medicine
Essay 44. Oh, sports - You are life!
Essay 45. Canalis nasolacrimalis
Essay 46. Young Communist League (Komsom...
Essay 47. Unus - one out of five
Essay 48. His Majesty photographer
Essay 49. Three tablets of aminazine
Essay 50. "Nothern Lights"
Essay 51. Gentlemen of luck
Essay 52. Brother-2
Essay 53. Three thanks
Essay 54. Superstitious Beliefs
Essay 56. Satanic Grin
Essay 57. 21 Gurgles
Essay 58. Triplets
Essay 59. Pilau on Issyk Kul
Essay 60. Is speculation business or not...
Essay 61. Bitter Sugar
Essay 63. Cream Of Wheat
Essay 64. Feeling Of Pride
Essay 65. Was It Love?
Essay 67. Examination Paper #13
Essay 68. The Devil of Adventurism
Essay 69. Sketching Characters
Essay 70. An Excursion
Essay 71. Winter examinations
Essay 72. Stierlitz is no match for them...
Essay 73. Inhale through your mouth, ple...
Essay 74. Hitler kaputt!
Essay 75. A second-year student
Essay 76. Mistakes should be paid for!
Essay 77. Four letters
Essay 78. Prince of Imereti
Essay 79. There are too few workers and ...
Essay 80. A pood of salt
Essay 81. A Prankster
Essay 82. Let's Man The Barricades!
Essay 83. Now A Kiss!
Essay 84. Briefs
Essay 85. A Miracle!
Essay 86. A mouse!.. in a hairdo? How ve...
Essay 87. A Born Obstetrician
Essay 88. International Children's Day
Essay 91. Here is the one for you, fasci...
Essay 94. A sight for sore eyes
Essay 96. REAR
Essay 97. And you are a gambler, Paramos...
Essay 98. An Ode to Pilav
Essay 99. Always hungry
Essay 100. Dudes
Essay 114. The night before
Essay 119. An autograph
Essay 130. Déjà vu
Essay 137. Twelve
Essay 141. A password is needed
Essay 142. Home brew
Essay 143. Mind what you say
Essay 144. Experimenters
Essay 145. An autograph
Essay 146. Hydrocele
Essay 147. Clip on the back of the head
Essay 148. Al Qasr
Essay 149. We were optimists...
Essay 150. Despotic and wilful person
Essay 151. With a sickle at the balls
Essay 152. Liquidation
Essay 153. Resonance
Essay 154. Shock therapy
Essay 155. Good luck of Victor Kiss
Essay 156. Herd instinct
Essay 157. Cond'omer
Essay 159. The Gypsy Baron
Essay 160. SI system
Essay 161. Foie gras
Essay 162. Divine disposition
Essay 163. Chizhik-Pyzhik*
Essay 164. Culinary terrorist act
Essay 172. At the world's end
Essay 173. Rupture
After graduation
Essay 37 Whyte chrysanthemums
Essay 55 We Are the Eleventh! So What?
Essay 62 Feinzilberg's Mistake
Essay 90 Betwixt and Between...
Essay 92 Those who are drowning are to ...
Essay 93 People, be happy
Essay 116 Here's a fine how d'ye do!
Essay 131 Feminine logic
Essay 132 Bimbo and, pardon, balls
Essay 133 Forty years later
Essay 134 Product #2 again
Essay 136 Striptease of Fomitch
Essay 138 Love and gastric ulcer
Essay 139 A victim of essays
Essay 140 Sleep!
Essay 158 Help-it's a panic
Essay 165 A Hen
Essay 166 The first vacation
Essay 167 Tails
Essay 168 PEA
Essay 169 Sochi
Essay 170 VOLGA
Essay 171 Muriuk
Essay 174 Bear's disease
Essay 175 An escape
Kitchen talks
Essay 39. A brick on the top of the head
Essay 89. Guriev Porridge (or conversati...
Essay 113. Prosperity of Russia
Essay 135. A Prescription
Beyond the Horizon
Essay 16. Its a small world
Essay 66. Paris, Paris...
Essay 95. Milan is a Lucrative City
Essay 102. A Look and Something
Essay 103. Tango 'Magnolia'
Essay 110. Buddha is smiling
Essay 128. Red Light District
Essay 154. Shock therapy
I learned what shock therapy was already after graduation from the institute, when I was majoring in psychiatry. We were told about it and showed in all details varieties of shock treatment such as electroconvulsive therapy and insulin-shock therapy. Much later I also learned about shock therapy in economics.
After all I was going to write not about myself, but about a KSMI (Kemerovo State Medical Institute) graduate Victor Kiss. Those who follow my opuses already know him from the essay “Good Luck of Victor Kiss”. So if a person is lucky, he is lucky in everything. This is I am about Victor. As a curious guy and also a diligent student, Vitya never missed an opportunity to work a shift at a hospital. He worked at both a city clinic #9 at Kirovskiy district and a city hospital #3. Most of all he liked to work at a traumatology department of the city hospital. And it was there where he learned one of methods of shock therapy. It was the one neither of psychiatry nor of economics, but of traumatology. The method was quite unique and had not been described in any traumatology text books before. Vitya was keen to learn something special, that all the rest did not know. So here is what happened. Once in his fifth year Vitya was working a shift at an admission department of the city hospital #3. It should be mentioned in what company he was lucky to work. The company was the right one: legendary G.Y.Kutikhin, a chief traumatologist, and a doctor O.G. Shumilov, who was also teaching at a medical college of Kemerovo and brought a group of his students to practice during the shift. All in all there was a big crowd, and it was fun till they brought a patient with a craniocerebral trauma. That was written in a referral from an “ambulance”. Well and the patient himself was heavily drunk, he was stiff drunk, hammered, you name his state the way you wish, but it was a fact that he was too drunk to make sense.

However the goon pushed her and she flew like a bit of fluff to the corner and almost overturned a table with medical instruments. And swears followed her. Shumilov was trying to explain and demonstrate to his students on the patient the methodology of examining of an injured patient and performing of initial care. Though the hulk swore at him in a way known in that kind of situations and raised his hand against the medical college students; and those, poor things, shrank into corners, being reasonably afraid that they would get it hot just for nothing. And there came Kutikhin. To everybody’s surprise the dork stood calmly the examination and went accompanied by the same nurse to do an X-ray test. However in about twenty minutes they were returning with swearing again. He again tore the bandage off and was using foul language addressing everybody. Even to Kutikhin, when he had a look at a picture and said that there were no fractures, the troublemaker showed a fist and cursed him spelling every swear word. And what did Kutikhin do? He gave an order to bandage him and send home, and left for the traumatology department. And there the patient absolutely lost control; he was shouting, making a brawl and gave a kick to a nurse passing by.

However at that moment, after the last scurvy trick of the boot, Shumilov literally threw his doctor’s smock off, threw it away and with the words: “My doctor’s uniform did not allow me to give you a punch in the jaw”. Who could imagine that with two practically unnoticeable moves, he, let’s say delicately stopped the hooligan and sent him down the stairs out in the street. All the present at the admission department… Did you see a scene from “The Government General”? (also known as “The Inspector General, is a satirical play by a dramatist and novelist Nikolai Gogol. Originally published in 1836, the play is a comedy of errors.) The situation was exactly the same. Everybody was standing paralyzed. And then they happily rushed to greet and thank Shumilov. He only said addressing his students: “Shock therapy! Sometimes it’s very efficient”.

1 May, 2012
© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #214040300508
Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content ↑