Syedyshev Oleg
Syedyshev Oleg

Humorous Essays Based on students' memories

"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius

Essay 34. An accident

You, of course, thought right away about an accident which costs a man his life or health. Of course, what happened to Icedora Dunkan was an accident; and how else one would consider death caused by a scarf wound round an axle?

I believe I should not take the extreme cases that ever happen. I will not take them. I will better give you an opportunity to evaluate the following case and tell, whether it was an accident or not.

It was in spring, no, it was already summer, 1967; of course, it was summer, as physics was the last of the examinations. It was my only second examination period at the institute. In general, one started already feeling tiredness because of the diligent study, but reactions to it were different.

Марина Эмих

Marina Emikh

Because of the tiredness Marina Emikh felt herself stupefied and knowing absolutely nothing in physics, exam in which she was supposed to take. Marina decided not to resist the feeling and not to come to the exam; but in fall after having a good rest take the exam without any nervous tension. And perhaps, things would go that way, but her best friend Svieta Titova dropped unexpectedly in. They did not arrange that, later Svietka said, that as if it had been the sixth sense that made her fetch Marinka. And what did she see? Marinka was in tears, she was absolutely in hysterics: "I will not go, I do not remember anything. I no nothing, I will not disgrace myself. I will take the exam in fall".
Света Титова

Svieta Titova

No one would ever suppose that a petit and slim girl like Svietka could have such stamina. Quietly, without raising her voice, but in a clearly imperative way she said: "Get dressed quickly, and let's go, and if you fail, you will come in fall". Marina was dumb-founded, got dressed, and as she told later, noticed that she calmed down. In Kirovskiy district at the district entertainment centre there was a beautiful birch grove. You won't believe, but Svietka took Marina not to the exam, but to a shooting gallery, which was at the entertainment center in the grove, and offered her to make some shots. And they not only made the shots, but hit the targets every time they shoot. And after that they went to the exam, which they both passed with excellent grades. You will ask me, where the accident is? There was no accident that time; and it was good, that they did without it.

Марик Менделенко

Marik Mendelenko

Here is one more story. It is not important when it took place. Preparation to the festival of the Medical Department was in the full swing. The program of the festival was extensive and rich. In its musical part Marik Mendelenko was already performing; he was a handsome guy, and all the girls who knew him were in love with him. Marik was preparing to sing his hit "Dark night, and only...". Vadik Abrosimov (he studied in a senior year than us) prepared a number of Vysotskiy's song (Vladimir Vysotskiy was a famous actor and singer in the USSR). Remember: "there were people and fells scattered all over..."? There also was the line: "... you'd better give me a tub or port, and I do not want the bride even for free, I will defeat the monster anyway...". And, of course, the girls from NASNANE were diligently preparing for the festival. They were preparing so hard that a day before the festival, when they were rehearsing till late night, and after they were done, it became clear, that it was too late for public transportation to go, and what kind of buses there could be at two a.m.? And what do you think they did? They decided to continue the rehearsal till the next day. They did that because of their zeal, of course. And there the "accident" almost took place. To be more precise, it did took place, as Nadya Nagornova lost her voice.

Надя Нагорнова

Nadya Nagornova

She lost her voice first last and all the time, as it is called. What could be done about that? The festival was the next day. Eggs did not help. And how could they help, if even when one breaks them against a nose of Mozart's bust, they do not always help, and the situation was even worse, as there was no bust. Ear-nose-throat doctors from the local policlinic did not help as well. Though, the girls extricated themselves from the difficult situation. They did over Nadya's score literally on the run, and Nadya had to sing in a deep voice. Nevertheless, they had saved the situation. They did not allow the accident to take place.

If, my dear readers, after the story "Beer at a Lecture" you assumed that the students had drunk only beer at the lectures, you are sadly mistaken. They drank not only beer, but something stronger as well. The 23 February (Soviet Army Day, a national holiday in the USSR). Of course, the students were celebrating it. And how could the nationwide popular holiday be ignored in the group number twenty? After a practical training class we passed a hat round, pooled our resources and threw lots. Everybody went to a lecture, which was at the conference-hall of the main building, and Tolik Lopatin went to a store. The heavy lot fell on him. But Tolik was an optimist, he was singing a song in Georgian (Otar Teodoradze had taught him the song from the film "Dolls are Laughing") when walking with two bottles of brandy in his briefcase into the main building, looking forward to the tasting. No, not the lecture, I was not mistaken.

Толик Лопатин

Tolik Lopatin

And right at the steps of the entrance of the main building he slipped. He did not fall down; Tolik was an athletic guy, he tucked and made a brusque squat. And there he heard the sound, which he even now calls the accident. Yes, the sounds DING and CHUMP were exactly the ACCIDENT. Many of the students were quite surprised when they saw the following picture: in front of the main building steps there was a guy sitting and crying. Around his briefcase there was a small brown pool with extremely familiar smell. "Wow, look at how he is going through the celebration" - they thought and passed by him. Some offered him help and some asked what the matter was. But Tolik grew literally dumb.

Конференц зал

The conference-hall

When he entered the conference-hall, the guys from his group understood everything by the strong brandy smell and the expression of his tear-stained face and were looking at him with pity. Though there were some malicious looks, which as if were saying: "How did you like that?" Oh, excuse me: "How did you drink that?"

july 27, 2011

© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #21202110316

Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content