Syedyshev Oleg
Syedyshev Oleg

Humorous Essays Based on students' memories

"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius

Essay 63. Cream Of Wheat

Syedyshev Oleg

Syedyshev Oleg

I cannot help, but share with you, my dear readers, one more reminiscence of my student life.
I will make it short.
Pharmacology is a serious science; it is inadmissible for a doctor not to know it. At the Pharmacology Department there was a rule, if a student got a bad grade during a class, he or she had to work it off, i.e. answer the topic at out-of-classes time. Once Zhenka Romashov and I managed to get bad grades. I do not even remember the topic now, well, generally speaking, we are talking not about it. Yevgeniy and I were sitting in a library at the main building diligently studying. We had known that during the working off professors asked what had been studied before as well; so we were studying single and twenty-four-hour dosages.

Zora Chernobay and Zhenya Romashov

Zora Chernobay and Zhenya Romashov

And there Zhora Chernobay, Zhenka's and my friend and buddy, came into the library. "Well, poor students, are you studying?" - he asked, after he had heard Zhenka's and my argument. I was trying to prove to Yevgeniy that top single dose could not be more that a twenty-four-hour one; as it was a single one, and the other one was for twenty-four-hours! Zhenka was angry at me and threatened to "haul me over the coals" and in general he was sorry that he had got involved with me and the work off. Zhora was a nice guy, he had been an authority for Zhenya. Zhora said: "break" and asked us to lower our voices, or we would be asked to leave the reading room. He explained to Zhenka that I was right, that the top single dose could be equal to the top twenty-four-hour one, but never more that it. Yevgeniy agreed with Zhora as for the doses, though he was categorically against the statement that I had been right. Zhenya was Zhenya!

Associate professor A.V.Sapozhkov

Associate professor

When Zhora learned that on that day the working off was conducted by Sapozhkov, he informed us, that we had a chance to pass the working off not even answering the subject. It turned out that before starting a working off Sapozhkov offered to all students, who came to him, to tell him a joke. If a joke was new to him, the one who told it got a passed. That never happened during tests or examinations; he collected jokes only when conducting working off. However, God forbids, if a joke was an old one for sapozhnikov. Zhenya and I liked the idea, and we started feverishly remembering jokes and telling them. A crowd of about ten guys gathered around us, and a lady in charge of the reading room even reprimanded us for loud laughter. We were selecting jokes to go to the working off with. With all our big company we decided that two jokes would be worth-while. I will tell them to you now, but, please, do not judge strictly, as they were new more than forty years ago.
So, the first one:
In a kindergarten Vanya asks Masha, if she was a hot woman? "I am hot", - Masha replies. "And how do you know?" - " I used my potty and it was steaming", - Masha answers.
And the second joke:
A man in a restaurant places orders to a waiter: "One hundred grams of vodka and cream of wheat". The waiter got surprised and brought the order. The man drank, ate and asked to repeat the same. His order was repeated. And when the man for the third time asked to repeat his order, the waiter lost his patience and said: "I've never seen before that someone had vodka

with cream of wheat". The man reasonably said to that: "And does it matter with what to puke!?"
I offered Zhenka to choose a joke. he refused to choose and suggested to cast lots. The crowd around us approved of the idea, and Zhora made lots for us. Zhenya got the joke about a potty, and I got one about cream of wheat. The time of the working off was close, so we left with wishes "break a leg".

During the working off everything was like Zhenya had told us. In a room there were three of us, poor students: Zhenya and I and a nice guy, our institute's dancer Mukha (I am sorry, I do not remember his name). Sapozhkov asked if anyone would tell a joke, and suggested us to think well, as he would "torture" an unlucky one.



Zhenka and I volunteered. I was the first one with my joke. All of us were laughing loudly; we, the poor students, and Sapozhkov, who praised me and offered Yevgeniy to have his chance. And again everybody had a good laugh, but scum Sapozhkov spoiled all the joy. He said that Zhenka was two hours late with his joke, that he had been already told that joke. "Who?" - Zhenka asked, and his face expression made it obvious that the one who had told the story would have to pay for that; and the least he would have the potty put on his head. Sapozhkov turned to have a heart of stone; he did not give the name of the one, who had told him the joke. He was in high spirits and circled a bad grade in front of Zhenka's name in the grade report; and in front of Mukha's name as well, which made him very happy, and he thanked us for the help. We did not object when Mukha treated us to beer at an institute's canteen. After that we went to look for Zhora Chernobay to treat him to beer for good news about an opportunity to pass the working off.

21 September, 2011

© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
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Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content