Syedyshev Oleg
Syedyshev Oleg

Humorous Essays Based on students' memories

"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius

Essay 21. RW

It happened so that right during the tutorial before the state examinations one of our group mates was taken to be treated to a dermatovenerologic dispensary. Of course, it was the news of the day for us. It is understandable that all of us were sympathizing with the unlucky fellow student, but basically it was his personal tragedy, so it quickly lost its topicality, as the state exams were just around the corner.

Vagram's wife, Galina, was in hospital for maintenance of pregnancy. So Vagram offered me to stay at his place for that month. It was more fun to prepare for the exams together, especially as because we had studied together before and passed exams just fine. I agreed. In principle, between Vagram and me there was absolute mutual understanding, and we were comfortable together. We agreed to eat mostly at home, but to celebrate the passed exams in a restaurant.

Those days there were stores "Gastronomy", so we bought prepared food there: goulash, beef-stroganoff, chops and etc. For a side dish we as a rule fried a big frying pan of potatoes. It was delicious. Especially that we fried potatoes in a special way: when potatoes were cut, we wrapped them in a towel to dry out, at the same time we were melting cut into not very large pieces lard on a hot pan. The lard was melting, and when it became almost glassy, the dried out potatoes were put into the pan. Well, then it was a pure technical matter: one had to watch that potato chips were brownish fried, in five-ten minutes a frying pan of potatoes was ready. Then we mixed the fried potatoes with separately cooked goulash or beef-stroganoff.

Yes, I should admit that being almost a doctor, I could not use a knife and a fork simultaneously. I just could not hold a fork in my left hand! So, Vagram decided to train me, and do it quickly. I consented. The training was simple: take a fork in your left hand and a knife - in the right one and eat. At the beginning I left the table hungry, the parasite-teacher ate everything, while I was scrabbling in my plate. He was stuffed, but said: "I will teach you. You will starve and soon will become an ace". Generally speaking, it happened exactly that way. Well, many thanks to Vagram for the training.

Preparation for the state examinations, frankly speaking, was only called the preparation. Well, what could be done? The thoughts were getting into our brains: "You were taught for six years, and you really believe that you will be turned out now? Never ever..." Vagram and I did not resist these thoughts. The landlord of the apartment where Vagram lived had a huge library of detective stories, so Vagram and I started reading them. Each day we took a new book and finished it by night. We read on public transport, when we were going to the tutorials, at lunch, in general, everywhere.

So one day we happened to be in the downtown of Kemerovo, in Vesennyaya street, between Ostrovskiy and Soviet avenues, where there was a dermatovenerologic dispensary. We had classes right there, and our professor was Raisa Viktorovna, who was called by the students RW for short. So, like in the case when we picked up a "fallen woman", we unanimously went to the dispensary to Raisa Viktorovna and asked her to test our blood for RW. We did not explain to her, that one of our fellow students ... We told her that we were leaving Kemerovo and wanted to go healthy. RW laughed loudly, saying that we were scared, and we had better not played studs that much. RW was not shy in her expressions, though took our blood for the test. Some time later, we picked up the results of our tests, which, of course, were negative.

In principle, we were not worried about the house infection, as we sacredly believed into the words of the docent V.V.Chichikov, who at one of his lectures told us: "And he tells me that he got infected with syphilis at a public sauna. Just think, for how long the poor thing had to rub his dick against the benches to catch that spirochaete."

So armed with the certificates, more exactly, with the test results, we approached the guys we knew and venomously asked them: "And you have not done the RW test yet? Well, we took it long time ago and live without any worries now". Several guys really went to take the test as well.

As for the state examinations, Vagram and I passed them just fine: with one "good" grade each, the rest grades were excellent.

july 10, 2011

© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #21202101773

Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content