Syedyshev Oleg
Syedyshev Oleg

Humorous essays
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Humorous Essays Based on students' memories

"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius

Essay 50. "Nothern Lights"

Zhora Chernobay and Kolya Kozlov came from Krasnodarskiy Region. To enter the Kemerovo State Medical Institute they came from a city of Kropotkin. There was a major railway station "Kavkazskaya" there; a train "Novokuznetsk - Sochi" went through the station. The train did not arrive in Kemerovo, it came to a station of Topki, which was near Kemerovo.

Kolya Kozlov

Kolya Kozlov


Kostya Romashov

Kostya Romashov

Why am I writing about this in so many details? Here is why. Zhora and Kolya's relatives, like my batya (father), believed that students were always hungry, and every month they sent to both of them so much food, that it fed not only two of them for a month, but half of the dorm as well. What a variety of delicious things there was there! There was smoked meat, of course, lard, sausages, smoked chickens, home made butter and delicious, home made flavored Kuban wine. There was surely a half a suitcase of home made spice cakes. Those parcels were awaited not only by Kolya and Zhora, but by the rest of the students who they usually treated. There were always so many bags and other things to carry that usually Zhora and Kolya asked me or Zhenka and Kostya Romashov to help them. That time Kozlov and Chernobay's relatives made very special effort and sent twice more presents than usually. And Kostya and I went to help them. It was the thirty first of December; the train was supposed to arrive to Topki at four o'clock, and we planned to get to the dorm for three hours and say good bye to the old year and meet the new one, in an appropriate way at a holiday table loaded with presents from hospitable Kuban. Well, as it is said: "man proposes, God disposes"!

The train was late, and the worst thing was that we were not told for how much time. Maybe someone remembers what a barn was a train station in Topki.

That was horrible. How enthusiastically we were cursing innocent Zhora and Kolya, and they were guiltily apologizing. Time was flying; there was the beginning of the New Year frosty night, and Kostya and I had errands from the older Romashov to do. I had to buy two
Yevgeniy Romashov

Yevgeniy Romashov

bottles of champagne and Kostya - two bottles of vodka, and it had to be "Stolichnaya", and Zhenka's favorite waffle cake. Zhenka even financed those purchases. If in Kemerovo, we would not have any problem, but the time was passing, and we were in Topki, and where could we get what had been ordered?

In a shabby little store at the train station at about three minutes before it was closed we took a chance and asked for champagne, vodka and a cake. All of that was not available in the store. A saleswoman, a fat baggage in a dirty apron, which used to be white long ago, put over her coat said gladly: "I've got that!" and brought us everything we asked for from a utility room. She told us that she had brought that for one of her acquaintances, but the latter had not shown up. Though, she charged the double price.

Zhora Chernobay

Zhora Chernobay

To our luck Zhenya had assumed that we would buy the order at a restaurant, and there was an extra charge there. Finally at 8.30pm the train arrived. The conductors were familiar and well paid by the Kuban relatives, so all the bags and bundles and boxes had been already brought to the platform of the train carriage. So unloading went


quickly. And there to our good luck came a taxi from Kemerovo; it brought a man to the train, so the taxi driver was looking for passengers for the way back. And there were us right there. But one more blow was waiting for us that time. We were hurriedly loading the bundles, packs and boxes in the taxi, and when we were done, it turned out that there was only one spare passenger seat next to the driver left in the car. We almost had a fight about who would go by taxi. But we were friends, so we did not really fight, we threw lots. The driver was angry; he was in a hurry because of the holiday. The last suburban electric train or some train to Kemerovo was leaving in five minutes. The lot fell on Zhora. We opened one of the bundles and found lard in it. So we took lard and did not allow Zhora to carry packages with champagne and vodka in spite of his persistent offers. All the money left we gave to Zhora to pay for the taxi, and took almost a free ride to Kemerovo right after his departure. He was having a taxi ride, and we were doing choo-choo, choo-choo. Though, even that way at 10.20 pm we, Kolya Kozlov, Kostya Romashov and I came to the final stop of a number three tram at the Electric Bulb factory to get to the dorm #1 at Kirovskiy district, where a merry company and hearty meals were waiting for us. Zhora promised us to lay everything he had on the table by the time of our arrival.

Oleg Syedyshev

Oleg Syedyshev

We had one hour and forty minutes, so we hoped to make it to the holiday table by the chimes (on 31 December at midnight the chimes of the Kremlin tower clock symbolize the beginning of a New Year). The minutes were flying, but there was no tram. There were about fifteen people at the tram stop. Someone went to the Mine, someone to the opencast mine, and we needed to get to almost the final stop. It was time for Zhora to start hiccupping non stop. There was no name we spared for him on that New Year Eve! And Kolya did that together with us. Finally at 11.30pm the tram came, and we got a chance to make it, if the tram raced, like Ferrari. And it was racing, it was literally flying. The car was rocking and squeaking unmercifully. All the passengers had a desire to help it, meaning the tram.
Kolya and I were chattering and did not notice like Kostya came closer to a window, with his breath thawed out a hole in the ice crust and pressed himself against the opening. He had such a dreary smile, that when we saw him, we felt very sorry for him, tears almost came into our eyes. Later we asked him, what he had been thinking about then. He confessed that he had remembered his hometown of Kant in Kirghizia and the settlement near the sugar mill where his parents lived; he had remembered his loving mother and smell of homemade holiday meals.

By chance Kolya glanced at his watch and gave a loud shout: "The New Year is in a minute; stop whining and uncork the bottles!" Kostya and I started opening champagne and vodka with our frozen fingers and teeth. And it was amazing, but a man and a woman, complete strangers, took their bottle and started opening it as well. Kolya's eyes were fixed on the face of his watch; he was shouting "there are forty seconds left..., thirty five...". From nowhere there appeared a one liter jar, it was filled till its brims with vodka and champagne - the "Northern Lights", and Kolya started counting backwards: "Ten, nine, ...three, two... Happy New Year!". And we, like real hussars, were visiting all the passengers with the jar, ladies - first, and offering them to have a sip of the "Northern Lights" to the New Year. There were about ten people on the tram, two of them refused to drink as they were going at work to the "Progress" factory: "We will knock back at the other side of the control post". You know what, it became warmer in the tram car. Kostya visited even the tram driver, and she had a sip and offered her sincere greetings in the loudspeaker. Zhenkas' favorite waffle cake was opened; we dropped our jaws, as its name was also the "Northern Lights"; why? It made a great snack with lard on the top. All the passengers snacked together and praised us. Kolya Kozlov had a good sip and sang Mendelssohn's "Wedding March": "ti-ta tatata ...".

Everyone was having a good time. The liter jar was filled twice, and both times was emptied collectively and in good coordination. And when all of us also collectively were ready to sing "Oh, frost, frost..." the tram driver announced a stop: "Entertainment Center", and the next stop was ours. Everyone got out at the Entertainment Center, except for those going to "Progress" and the three of us. Yet we sang a couplet of "Oh, frost, frost"; the tram driver was singing along with us in the loudspeaker.

We came to the dorm at 0.20, excited and happy. We barely touched the food and headed right away to where Obodzinskiy and Magomajev's (super stars of Soviet pop music) singing was heard. A group of people gathered around us, and we were telling with embellishment and lots of details how we had been celebrating the New Year on the tram, how ice cold bubbles had been tickling in our throats, and how delicious it had been to drink it with lard and a cake, everyone envied us. We were in the center of attention and even forgave Zhora and Zhenka, who both for some reason felt guilty towards us and tried their best to gain our favor.

august, 24 2011

© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #21204250926

Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content ↑


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