Syedyshev Oleg
Syedyshev Oleg

Humorous Essays Based on students' memories

"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius

Essay 167. Tails

Back in those days at the same regional hospital, at the surgical department, there worked as a traumatic surgeon the nicest woman ever Olga Mikhailovna Sviridova. She was a fine doctor. Her patients adored her. From the very beginning she somehow started acting as Sasha’s guardian. She praised him for case histories, which he had compiled and wrote down in a well- organized and professional way. She liked Sasha, though did that in a peculiar way – for one week she liked him, and for another one she did not. Olga Mikhailovna believed everything she was told, and Sashka, as they say, was mocking at her. He pulled her leg in all ways possible. So after each prank Olga Mikhailovna did not like him and did not speak to him for minimum a week. So, once a period of her not liking him lasted for about a month. It’s up to you to judge. It was winter of the year of 1976. Sasha entered the doctors’ lounge of the surgical department, and Olga Mikhailovna was sitting there alone.

Sasha inquired immediately: “And where is everybody? Left to get tails? And why are you still here?”

Who remembers that knows that those were not very replete years, to be more precise, they were the hungry ones. The regional hospital of the Ministry of Internal Affairs was assigned to a small store, where once in a while the staff members were sold something from deficit goods (meat, sausage, cod leaver, etc.). Sviridova got it right away.

“What kind of tails? Pig? They are the best for meat jelly. And what about you?” Sasha replied that he did not care for meat jelly, but preferred tails fried with spices.

He advised Olga Mikhailovna to hurry up, as there were many of those who wanted to get them. It was easy to say to hurry up, but Olga Mikhailovna had actually to change from surgical overalls into her own clothes, and do not forget, that it was winter then, she had to walk for about two hundred meters along the territory of the hospital, then go through the check point and be checked by a guard, leave the colony and walk up to five hundred meters more to the store. And the rime was just terrible; it was ice glazing powdered with snow. Olga Mikhailovna slipped and fell down. She did not hurt much, but tore her favorite stockings on a knee, the most noticeable spot. Generally speaking, she finally got to the store cursing and swearing. Yeah, I’ve almost forgot, Olga Mikhailovna had one more peculiar feature – she spoke very fast and kept repeating the last word for several times. “Hi, Valya, well, give, give two, no, three, yes, three, better three kilos”. A couple of special words had to be said about Valya as well. Imagine a lady of about two meters tall, who weighed about one hundred and fifty kilos, but was not fat, just big. She had quite a pretty face and a blaring voice, and she was just a real foul-mouth.

“What the f…k three kilos of?

“Valya, tails, Valya, three kilos of pig tails, three”.

“What the f…k pig tails?”.

“Well, three kilos of pig tails, Kirillytch said. I was running, fell down and tore my new stockings. Tails for a meat jelly, three kilos”.

Valya, though she was a foul-mouth, was aware what it meant to tear stockings and felt sincere sympathy to Olga Mikhailovna.

In three words she explained what kind of person Kirillych actually was, and the words were absolutely not for press. Olga Mikhailovna completely agreed with her...

September,25 2013

© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
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Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content