Syedyshev Oleg
Syedyshev Oleg

Humorous Essays Based on students' memories

"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius

Essay 71. Winter examinations

An unusual thing happened, and it was the Kemerovo State (there was no any other kind then) Medical Institute where it occurred. Well, such a thing had never happened at any other place, but it did happen in Kemerovo. There were two professors, whose last names were Golubev; nobody would ever notice that on the institute's scale and would not pay any attention. Well, no big deal that there was Boris Feodorovitch Golubev at the Philosophy Department and Irog Viktorovitch Golubev at the

Histology Department. However there was a peculiar detail, both Golubevs were elbow-benders. Boris Feodorovitch has retired long time ago, but Igor Viktorovitch still works at the Histology Department. How the experience of Boris Feodorovitch of using a carafe filled with vodka at examinations was passed on to Igor Viktorovitch remained a secret. If the idea was thrown in to the senior Golubev, the philosopher, by us, the Therapeutic Department graduates of 1972, then Golubev-histologist took up the initiative from the weakened hands of the philosopher and carried it on and on. They say that he carried it adequately. And that is said by the graduates of different years and of different departments.

Wikipedia says that histology is a part of biology, which studies structure of tissues of living organisms. Usually this is achieved by dissecting tissues into thing layers and with the help of a microtome. Unlike anatomy, histology studies organism's structure on a tissue level.
Lena Sokhareva studied at a Pediatric Department, and was already in her third year. So there came time of winter examinations, which consisted ridiculous as it was of only one exam. If one passed it then had no worries for two weeks of winter vacations. Lena studied not bad, to tell the truth, she studied well. She had great memory; all subjects came easily to her, without any hard work. Though those were theoretical subjects, and during the study of histology professors made students to draw sections of tissues of different human organs. Some people have aptitude for drawing and some don't. So what does the second group have to do? Should they really quit their study at their favorite institute only because of that? And how can one throw
into the scales aspiration for curing people and ability to draw? Though students are super inventive people; and the horrible questions of one's inability to draw was solved in various ways, and it was solved. Some guys asked their friends to draw for them, others copied. Lena did not ask anyone, she drew herself as good as she could. And she could very poorly. One had to look through a microscope and then draw what he had seen. That was exactly what she absolutely could not do. Everything seemed to her to be violet in the microscope, and she could not tell
a cell's nucleus from protoplasm. What should she have done? Things happen. Maybe that was not worthy of so much worry, but an album with the drawings signed by a professor, who had taught a histology course, had to be submitted at the examination.

In Lena's group histology was taught by a young if not to say very young assistant professor Tamara Grigorievna Pavlova. Generally speaking she was a not bad instructor, but for some reason she did not like Lena. She refused to sign Lena's album no matter what. Lena guessed of most different reasons; and the one that Pavlova wanted to demonstrate what a good instructor she was at the department, and that the album was really bad and she absolutely honestly did not sign it.

Lena's husband to be unambiguously said: Look at yourself in a mirror and look at her! She simply envies you!. It is quite possible that there was the homespun and also hempen truth in that! Either way, the exam was supposed to be the next day, and the album was not signed; so Lena made up her mind to undertake a desperate move. She did not completely understand the depth of an abyss she could easily fall into then. To her good luck it was her only act of that kind. She fabricated Tamara Grigorievna Pavlova's signature in the album. It came out indistinguishable. So she went to take the histology exam with calm confidence.

Lena's group was examined by the associate professor Igor Viktorovitch Golubev. Everything was as usual: the carafe was on the desk, and it was already started. So Golubev's mood correspondingly was great. More to that, Elena got an easy examination paper; it is always so that when one knows the subject, an examination paper is easy, so this is a strange pattern to traverse. Lena was answering not just well, but beautifully. One could tell that by Golubev's face expression, he was even smiling. Yeah, it's a great thing when an examining professor has a carafe. Igor Viktorovitch did not interrupt Lena even once during her answerer; he thanked Lena and signed with Excellent her student's record book. And then something suddenly struck him; he asked Lena to give him her album. Lena had never understood the expression: His heart sank into his boots, and there she experienced the state herself. There was some unpleasant weakness in all her body. With her shaking hands Lena gave the album to Golubev and intently stared at him. He opened the album smiling, obviously deep in his thought, and then Lena with horror noticed that Golubev started growing sober right in front of her eyes. Or maybe it just seemed to Lena because of fear. Looking attentively through her album Golubev announced: I am taking your album from you. I do not understand how that could be signed. Well, I will have to teach young assistant professors some good sense.
Her feet almost gave way under her, she left the examination room. The students surrounded her with the traditional: What did you get? Everybody was extremely surprised, when she replied that she got an excellent. She had such a look as if she was given not more than a bad with two minuses.

For all the students the vacations were fun, and Lena was trembling and waiting for two weeks, whether she would be called to the Dean's office for the reprisal or not. Though, time went on. The vacations were over, and the spring semester started. Nobody called Lena anywhere, and her album was lost at the Histology Department. It is now, many years later, that it has occurred to her: How stupid I was!; and she herself cannot understand, why stupid: because she forged the signature, or because she was scared in vain.

The plot was kindly given by Elena Zhuk.

13 October, 2011

© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #21206220634

Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content