Syedyshev Oleg
Syedyshev Oleg

Humorous Essays Based on students' memories

"All have died
except for those who are alive, and those whom we remember"Confucius

Essay 170. "VOLGA"

So ten years have flown unnoticed since a joker and humorist Shurik Popovitch started working at the regional hospital of the Ministry of Internal Affairs. Yeah, Shurik played jokes once in a while; he cut bottoms of measuring phials (see “A Hen”), played pranks on his co-workers, and invented and did many other things. However all his jokes were estimated by the Ministry of Internal Affairs of the Soviet Union back then as not undermining the defense power, but on the contrary it even awarded him with a medal for the irreproachable service!

Sasha Popovitch, or Kirillych as he was called at the hospital, accepted the well-deserved award as an encouragement, and immediately made up his mind to answer it with another practical joke. He came to the doctors’ lounge of the surgical department and addressing everybody asked to lend him some money. Somebody asked how much he needed and for how long? Kirillych gave no details, he gave a short answer: “A lot”. The surgeons knew Shurik way too well and responded with a recommendation: “Well, then you’d better talk to Olga Mikhailovna. She is the affluent one of all of us”. So Sasha was happy to do that. However Olga Mikhailovna demonstrated purely feminine curiosity: “How much?”

Sasha - “A lot”.
Olga Mikhailovna - “How much “a lot”?
Sasha – “A lot, six thousand!”
Olga Mikhailovna’s jaw started slowly dropping down. No wonder, a loaf of bread cost twenty kopeks back then. “Are you kidding? What for do you need that much?”

Sasha: “You do not have to worry; I will give it back in a week or ten days maximum”.
“No, you tell me first, what for you need that much? What for that much? This is a lot.
“Well, I need it…”
“No, you tell me first, tell me by all means, what for that much?”
“Well, I need it, I will give it back, theygive me “Volga” (a car made)”.

Here it should be said that in those days to receive the right to buy “Volga” was extremely prestigious. Olga Mikhailovna started jabbering: “How come “Volga”? What for “Volga”? Are you a front-rank worker or a record setter? As “Volga” is only for front-workers.”
“I am a front-worker, I was awarded with a medal”.
Olga Mikhailovna could not stop: “So you were awarded with a medal and given a “Volga”? What for do you need “Volga”? Why “Volga”? It is such an expensive car”.
Actually I do not need the “Volga”. I am not going to drive it. Though, as soon as they offer it, I’d better take it. I was called from the medical department and told that they were going to give me a “Volga”. I will sell it. The Georgians have been following me for two weeks already. They offer me a double price. I will pay the debt back right away”.
"Kirillytch, you will end up in prison, in prison for sure. Absolutely in prison, as this is profiteering. What for you need a “Volga”? Kirillytch refuse from it”.
“Olga Mikhailovna, nobody will send me to prison, if you only hold your tongue. Who will send me to prison?”
“I will never do that, I am like a tomb stone. You do not worry, never, do not worry – the tomb stone”.

Olga Mikhailovna was muttering for a long time that it was an exceptional case – a medal and a “Volga.”. Though she had to be given a credit; she gave no money to Sasha. However the next day the whole hospital was talking only about one thing - that Kirillytch had sold!!! to the Georgians his “Volga” for a double price.

September,25 2013

© Copyright: Oleg Syedyshev, 2012
Publishing licence #214040300552

Translated by Viktoria Potykinato content